Holidays

There’s less than a week left till the New Year, so this is probably the first, and the last post in December. For starters, the beginning of the month was officially started off with the rushing and completion of a 40% report which I took little over 12 hours to do (yeah, I’m bragging. Allow me this minor entertainment to myself XD)

Then the following week was used to “carefully” plan and to rush another project into completion. In order to do so I was up 8 to 8 everyday, spending the bulk of my time in labs and gloves, haha. And just in time I completed the experimental stage of my final year project and was able to return home few days earlier than expected: a trip that I was allowed to drive from KT up to Kuantan before drowsiness got ahead of me. (Planning to drive ALL the way back next time! This shall be my first objective of the New Year’s ^^)

Then came my BBQ party, which was really, really hectic. I like BBQs. Specifically, I like to sit at the BBQ area and BBQ stuff and not move. But that day I was so busy running around that I didn’t even have time to sit down for more than a few seconds T.T

Here I would like to thank the SS group that made themselves so helpful that day. Thanks a lot! If you guys weren’t there to provide free labor and entertainment I really don’t know how’d turn out. Also not forgetting those who attended XD

Immediately after was the trip to Sunway Lagoon, which was a blast, although we couldn’t find the obstacle course thingy in the Wet Park. Has it been demolished or something? I remember stumbling across it the first time I was there but for the three times after I’ve never managed to find it again. I certainly didn’t dream it, if that’s what anyone was wondering. == I have other supporters!! >.<

And then I drove my parents to LCCT (another great plus in this holiday ^^) and am due to fetch them back soon (YAY! More driving!).

Right now? I’m working on some stuff that may or may not be released to public, depending on the quality of the end product. And also, for the first time in… forever, am looking forward eagerly for those people in HEPA to FINALLY release my sem 5 results.

Shocking, no? I was never one to anticipate results of any kind. (Spoiler: more bragging) for one, when I was weak at a subject I’d suck at it, and I never gave my results a second glance other than to come to terms that I failed the goddamn paper. On the other hand, when I was good at a subject, I was GREAT, and therefore, knowing I was SO great, I did not have to wait for my results to know that I was gonna score the paper cause I was awesome like that ^^

Ah. I think I’m already bragging too much. Forgive me. Vanity can be so entertaining at times. Anyhow I’m waiting for my results basically cause I have NO idea what I’d get. Now I understand the feelings of my classmates back in school. I never did understand why they’d bug the teacher to grade their papers faster. And teachers would never get why I was so uninterested in my scores. Probably because I told them before to mark the papers slowly and don’t strain themselves for the sake of releasing the marks earlier. Haha.

Looking back. I think I was too laid back.

I still am. Just abit less, I guess.

Laid back is good. It’s relaxing. Peaceful. AND it doesn’t cause stress ^^

Peace good. Stress bad. XD

Time

Again, yet another week-late post. This time, its not that I have nothing to write about, nor is it that I have no time to write. I have the time. But I spend it on things too trivial and unimportant. I need to learn how to properly manage my time. Haih.

Time and tide waits for no man. How true.

I have many things I want to write about. Mainly what I thought of when I was reading some book, watching some show, playing some game, or doing some stuff. I get my best inspirations when I am busy and while I can jot down the main gist of it, all too frequently it takes me too long to sit down and give it a proper body. Then when I finally sit down to write, the inspiration is nowhere to be found.

I like reading/watching stories that are thought provoking.

However, too often with those thoughts come different conflicting emotions.

That part, I don’t like.

But emotions are a very defining part of human beings, I guess.

Music

Years ago I used to think that listening to music was a total waste of time. A needless hobby which has no benefits whatsoever. So much, that I would question everyone back then about why they’d do such a pointless thing.

The answer I most frequently got was: because it was relaxing.

I was even more confused. To the me back then, music was nothing but noise. If you I wanted to relax, it would be better if I was in some dark room, devoid of everything.

Yeah, back then a pure combination of total darkness, silence and solitude was my only way of releasing stress.

Still is, though. Just not the ONLY way anymore.

I don’t know since when, but I have come to realize what I did not before. That listening to music was relaxing.

Why?

Because it gives me something to focus on. To escape the literal world I live in.

This is also partially why I like music with good lyrics. Because its something more concrete that I can focus on apart from the shapeless melody that accompanies it. Of course the melody complements the lyrics. Or else I’d be more of a fan of poems, won’t I?

Poems are not bad, by the way. ^^

It’s a bad habit, actually. To focus so much on music that you I tend to ignore everything else around me.

I’d turn on the volume so loud that often I don’t realize that my attention was needed elsewhere until I see frantic body/hand movements from someone else.

Somehow the loud music brainwashes my mind and throws me into a pseudo-consciousness that lies to me. Saying:

there’s no one around you. Your world is only consists of what you can see. Other than that, nothing exists, even space. Everything around you is just a limitless black vortex.

ooh~ brainwash in progress~

Yeah. That’s actually what I see when I’m focused on something, in case anyone was wondering. Nothing but the thing I’m handling. Haha.

I think I’m getting to much off track.

Actually the purpose of this update is this:

My new baby!!!

It’s JUST toooo Friggin AWESOME!!!!! XD

I’m an extremely materialistic person. I know.

It’s not my fault that I like inanimate objects better than humans. It’s just that I don’t like them enough.

If I like it, I get thrown into total obsession. ^^

I just don’t have a reason to get obsessed over humans at the moment.

^^

For procrastination controls me

My flight to and from KL was uneventful. but nevertheless the aftereffects i suffered was an hour of friggin high after landing.

i'm now "safely" in KT, preparing a battle against and onslaught of deadlines for various assignments, reports and THE presentation of the semester.

but somehow procrastination got the better me and i'm here, sitting in an empty lecture hall, typing this, wasting my time, and NOT getting any beneficial work done.

==

one half of me wants to continue working, but the dominant half of it wants me to play need for speed 2. so the submissive half is fighting what i would say a losing war against the dominant one. so while the war is ongoing, the submissive half is painfully refraining the dominant half from racing cars, and the dominant one is just as easily not allowing the submissive one to start working.

and so the end result is doing this. updating my blog.

haih. is the only time i can find to update my blog during intrapersonal fights like these?

and now i've nothing else to say. ==

i think the dominant half is winning.

Flight home

I went on an airplane for the first time in my life. It was SO fun!!! Haha… though at first it was scary because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I tried asking for information at the counter but the person there wasn’t very helpful. I had no idea what to expect when I checked in and entered the boarding room.

Then there was this earlier flight by MAS (I was using AirAsia) that kept requesting passengers to board while the AirAsia people just kept silent. The boarding time on my ticket said 8.40 but it was close to 9.00 when they opened the boarding room. On top of that the closing time for boarding was supposed to be at 9pm. Imagine my nervousness when nothing happened until then. I was really terrified of missing the plane. Haha.

My seat was supposed to be right next to the aisle, according to pictograms on the plane but this old guy, either by mistake or on purpose, sat on my seat, so I got the window seat (yay!). My parents said it was boring since I couldn’t see the clouds because my flight was at night but the night lights are pretty too.

There is SO much difference between the night view of KT and KL.

I barely had time to nod off when the pilot announced that we were going to land in 20 minutes. I was like, huh? Oh right. This is a flight, not a bus. Lol. Incidentally I saw PETRONAS twin towers. In the yellow glow of the night city lights, the twin towers were white, standing out. From my view they looked like Christmas tree worms. very cute-looking. Had no idea where the KL tower was btw.

Unfortunately the inside of the plane was too bright and I couldn’t get a picture. ==

I guess first timers always behave like jakuns, huh? The guy beside me was wearing that “you first time on plane kah?” look on his face so obviously that I tried to refrain taking pictures until I saw him looking away or trying to sleep. I’m sure nobody could have REALLY slept during that short flight ^^ll but seriously lah, I acted so jakun-ish that I’m amazed at myself.

Being on a plane feels very much like diving, because I guess in both cases there is this change in air pressure and I frequently had to equalize. I mean you can feel whether the plane was in ascent or decent. It was SO fun. ^^

In the five months I wasn’t home, Jedo got SO big. XD

He’s just so cute other cats can’t even compare. ^^

Forgiveness is a choice

I will forgive you. Because for the great me there is no sense at all in being all worked up in anger over an idiotic small-fry like you.

You being an idiot, I harbor no hopes in you being able to understand even the reasons and common sense of the average human being.

Also, there is no way an idiot like you could have made any plans even resembling what you claim to have made.

Why should I waste my precious energy and time deliberating over your kind?

Why should I waste time over an idiot?

Oh Idiot, I don’t expect anything from you.

Therefore, I don’t care.

Whatever you do, you’re just fulfilling your part as an idiot.

And if I mull over it anymore, I’d be an idiot for being angry at an idiot.

So you did anything wrong, it’s alright, for who am I to expect anything from an idiot?

Thus, I forgive you, for it is useless to expect anything more.

Lies

Lies are bad. I don’t like lies. But it seems lately I seem to be telling white lies more frequently than I’d like. People say white lies aren’t so bad, sometimes people don’t need to know the entire truth. But what happens when you want to tell the truth so badly but sometimes it is the human society’s quick turn to prejudice that prevents you from doing so?

For some reason, although every single self improvement and motivational book will instruct you to be true to yourself, to be direct and confident in whatever you say or do, the very human society we live in discourages us from living in such a manner.

In order to adapt to others, in order to tolerate and be tolerated, we have to change ourselves, the way we think, speak and act. To think about others. To be sensitive of their likes and dislikes. To tolerate things that are sometimes rejected by your very soul.

In my dictionary, adapting is synonymous with tolerance and change. Adapting is to not be yourself. Adapting is to transform yourself into an acceptable human being so that others can tolerate your existence around them.

Be yourself, they say. True friends will accept you for who you are, they say. But be prepared to tolerate (change a part of yourself) so that you can in turn be tolerated. So in conclusion, Everyone changes. Nobody acts like themselves anymore. We get grouped into stereotypic groups whether we like it or not. Even if we do not fit any particular stereotype we are already part of the “unusual stereotype” group. Birds of a feather will always flock together.

Indirectly, the twisted mindset of the society we live in forces us to live a white lie every day. The only way we might escape this is that we lead solitary lives. And people wonder why more and more people stay cooped up in their rooms, surfing and communicating over the net. And ignorant fools that we are we blame the advancement and misuse of technology.

But we accept this. Why? Because at the very core of our being we need approval. We need acceptance. We need affection. We need companionship and kinship. So much that some people go crazy craving for it. Some people get by using A.I. or animals. But others turn into psychopathic serial murderers.

Scary, no?

so tired

It's hard to keep up with my one post per week schedule when i come one all exhausted and all i want to do is lie on my bed and sleep.

+ it's no easier when all i do during work is to get sudden inspirations of what to blog about, what to write in my stories (that i'm still working on), how i'd like to draw the stuff that i've saved in the computer... - just to forget ALL about them when i finally get off work and is too tired to rack my brains for what i had thought about earlier in the day.

==ll

ah well.

English for Occupational Purposes

There’s a course I have to take in my studies called English for Occupational Purposes. One of the assignments in this course is to read motivational and self improvement books. So this is what my friend read:

Which got me thinking of him:

"My name is mooojo-JOJO!" XD

I used to think that he’s really cute when I watched the powerpuff girls back then. The redundant way he talks is really entertaining. Really liked listening to him talk. ^^

"I do not talk like that! The way I communicate is much different. I do not reiterate, repeat, reinstate the same thing over and over again. I am clear, concise, to the point!"

Ahha. The irony. Another example. XP

"I, Mojo Jojo, am your master, and you shall obey my commands like the dogs you are! Because I am your master, it is I who you will obey! Obeying commands is what you’ll do! I will give you commands, and you will obey them!"

Anyway for some reason I have always liked the villains better than heroes in any show that I watched. Wonder why.

However there IS a condition. The villain cannot be a hero in disguise (e.g. I’m doing this in order to let you have the chance to be the hero… etc) I find it irritating if a good guy pretends to be a bad guy and then when he is defeated, he reveals everything that he’d done was for the good of everyone like he’s the person who sacrificed the most. It’s like a call for attention, wanting the whole world to sympathize with you and hail you as a god for your sacrifice for humankind.

Wth. If you wanna be a villain then be a villain la weh. For example, in Harry Potter books I initially liked Malfoy until JK Rowling started writing him up as a wimpy character. ==ll

Haih. So dissapointed. I started disliking how the series started to twist after the fourth book. And the ending in the last installment? Yeah. I hate it.

Back to topic, despite saying I hate two faced characters, I like daredevil and batman wor. They are those kinds of heroes that have this dark past that wronged them but still manage to turn out good while their past still haunts them.

Must be because they only come out at night. Other superheroes work mostly in the daylight (as if night takde crime) and they fight supernatural monsters. The difference is that this two, they don't have super-strength or super-speed or whatever. They are humans, they fight humans, and they use human-trained techniques.

These two bring forward the message "When there's a will, there's a way" instead of heroes like superman whose message is, i suppose, something like this, "I can do this because I, and ONLY I, have the power beyond what a normal human can reach. So kids, don't do this at home!"

Aiya, this post has nothing to do with the title, has it? Haih, the way my brain leads sometimes is so goddamn random. lol.

Gender Equity

A friend said the other day:

“I don’t understand why some guys want to undergo operation and become girls. Being a guy is great what.”

To which I replied, “You can’t see it that way, some girls also undergo the same thing to be guys what. Being a girl is not half bad either.”

In hopes of closing the topic. Fail.

“That’s because being a guy is really great ma!”

Then he went on commenting on how great guys are and what they could do without the inconveniences girls often have. I prefer not to go into detail.

At that moment I was at lost for words. For the love of the devil I could not think of a single thing to defend females, to think of things girls could do that guys couldn’t.

It’s an equal world today, where guys can sometimes do things that are associated with females far better than the latter, and vice versa.

The one way conversation emphasized a lot on the natural strength guys have. To which, yes, I agree. The strongest female on earth may just be a little stronger than the above average guy. But then again, that same female would be ridiculed by guys for the muscles she built in training.

As I listened to his rant, I realized again that, despite the whole gender equity thing, there are still many people who hold on to male superiority.

Also the reminder that when these people see others, the first thing that registers in their mind is “Oh, she’s a girl. Oh, he’s a guy.”

For one thing when I see a person, its gender is far, far below my train of thought. I, for some unknown reason, do not care. I may not even think, “Oh, right, he’s a guy” until someone role calls for guys to stand in front and females to stand behind or something like that. I see you, I see a human. I see an ‘it’. Period.

I admit, yes, guys are stronger. So what? That’s about the ONLY thing they have an edge over females. In terms of intellect and other things, it’s still pretty much a far fight. Things traditionally associated with either gender do not limit us now, girls can be mechanics and guys can be tailors for goddamn sakes. The limitations and boundaries are GONE, merged into an unidentifiable mess.

I can’t really argue this anymore because I will contradict myself.

I’m not saying that females are better than males or vice versa. I’m not saying I disagree, but I don’t agree either.

But what I’m really saying is that, to hell with gender differences and all that. You do not go around saying or thinking, “Hey, I’m better than you because I’m born a guy”. No. If you ARE better, it’s purely because you are a better PERSON than the other. It has NOTHING to do with your goddamn gender.

One fine morning at the hatchery...

Okay. So before I begin my story, put this picture in your mind. A guard house, and next to it a shaded pondok of sorts where three cars can be parked.

So every morning I have to go and wash my tanks in the hatchery and that day was no different. As I was returning the key from the hatchery to the guard house one rainy day, I passed by the pondok and noticed a moving umbrella. Then only did I notice some guy standing behind the umbrella. Okay so it wasn’t really sunny but the area wasn’t that dark either, but the skin colour of the guy standing behind the umbrella was so dark that it looked just like the shadows behind him. I couldn’t even see his face properly, just his legs and that also was hard to look at – being blended into the background so much.

I ignored him and walked on, thinking that he was some person hiding from the rain.

No, the point wasn’t his skin colour. Read on.

I returned the key to this young male guard, (normally its one of those older looking ones but that day the young one was on duty so, yeah.) before heading to my car parked a couple of meters away. As I was unlocking my car, I heard the yelling from some guy. It was a deep throaty yell, like the barking of a dog or roaring of some animal. (my back was turned towards the yell so at first I thought some wild animal escaped into campus O.O)

The yelling startled me and I saw that guard screaming and shouting like come crazy person. Then he ran out flinging a chair around. At that point I started to be afraid – eh, some guy yelling and screaming like he was dirasuk combined with a chair (possible weapon) running out weh!

I panicked and quickly stood behind my car, ready to run (the idea of simply driving off didn’t hit yet) then I saw the guard pointing at something in the pondok admist all the shouting and yelling. Initially when I looked in that direction I didn’t see anything so I was half convinced this guy was hallucinating or something. Then I heard another voice shouting in response to the guard’s yells.

Only THEN did I notice the guard was pointing at that black guy I ignored earlier. Turns out underneath the umbrella he was only wearing a colourful piece of string like a belt.

==ll

What startled me more was the guard yelling lo. (seriously like so madman/animal yang dirasuk)

Not the flasher.

3rd time's the charm

today after visiting the hatchery i went for dinner and caught a football game. (no i'm not a football fan) anyway it was Malaysia vs South Korea and the striker was shooting a penalty kick. the attempt didn't go well and it rebounded immediately but the feller went after the rebounded ball and kicked again, fail. then again, the ball got further, and every other defender on the opposing them was chasing him. then he kicked it for the third time and the ball went straight for the goal. ^^

an overhead camera showed the entire opposing team's players surrounding this guy and the lone goal keeper at the goal that couldn't save the ball since probably he can't see the angle properly due to over crowding of the players.

nice goal. ^^

three's a crowd. two i can handle. i usually avoid crowds. but when my anti-social mood surfaces i go out out my way to make sure places i go lack human life or at most two people around me. any more than that i can't tolerate. worse things is, my anti-social self seem to surface together with my depression. so if i don't act like myself, i'm sorry. if i don't act like the Self you know, i'm sorry. cuz that's probably one of my other personalities. i have so many spilt personalities that i don't know who i am anymore.

My time management skills suck.

That being said, it's actually no mystery as to why i'm behind in doing all the things i want or need to do. like packing, organizing, assignments, reports, projects and such.

on a whole i have a main idea what i have to do at specific times, but it's the time in between where i have to selit all my minor work that i mess up in. ==

like how i'm supposed to be doing something else right NOW.

okay. time to start continue work.

Update

==ll it seems that i'm lagging behind my initial resolution of posting something once every week. noooo.... must get back on track!!!

anyway... erm. you know the save password thing that google chrome offers so that the next time you go in an account you don't have to type a password to go in? i saved so many for so long that once last week i tried accessing my accounts with a different computer i had to think for few minutes to remember my password.

aiya... dangerous dangerous... cannot let that happen anymore. especially when my memory seems to be failing me nowadays. O.O

then... going sampling next week lor, the same place as stated in previous blog post. yay! now i can get more samples for my next treatment. ^^

pc fair was on town so i went to get some stuff. damage still minimal - under 100, so i consider it a success in self control XD

when i went on the first day i surveyed everywhere and decided to go next day to get everything i needed at one booth. mana tau the next day i go everything i wanted already sold out. then i went around other places trying to find it but failed. finally when we were about to leave i saw this tauke taking out an entire stack from the store.

hello lah uncle! if you don't display the wares mana ada orang with x-ray eyes boleh nampak that thing?!

but yeah, found it (transparent notebook skin - don't like the flowery ones they selling. + i very proud of my notebook punya colour, no need to hide it under another layer of hideous coloured paper)

class started, have a few assignments that i'm gonna rush after this. finally there's a (somewhat) fixed routine i can follow so when i get free time i'm gonna revise a schedule - not that i follow it very closely but i need a to-do list cause i forget what i have to do really frequently and end up playing games or wasting time online. (like now ^^)

my crabs are healthy, so far. 6 weeks to go before the big crab feast analysis. ^^

until then. XD

After TWO long months...

I finally started my project OFFICIALLY!!!

though it's only 1/9 done (or 1/5 if you omit the optional treatments) but it's a start, right?

i know the optional treatments are, well, optional, but i'm determined to see them as compulsory until the time comes when i can no longer see them that way. That being said, i'll do everything in my power complete all NINE treatments. ^^

cheers for me~ XD

Setiu Sampling

This is waaaaaaaay overdue but what the heck, for the lack of updates I have I might as well post something. ^^

Erm. Some of us were actually reluctant to go there but since our supervisor asked us to we did. I drove up there with WS and PY. (really, REALLY grateful PY was asked to go there with us, btw XD or else I’d monopolize the cabin, among other reasons. heh.)

the trip made us go through a really healthy lifestyle. Tidur awal, bangun awal, 3 meals a day and work in between. no computer, not because there wasn't any electricity, but because we conveniently decided to not bring one up. it was REALLY comfortable in the cabin. spacious, since only PY and me were sharing it. really clean too. oh and did I mention there was an AC? X3

In the mornings we went out to put traps in the mangrove. All that stepping in the mud was goddamn tiring. There was a Master’s student coming along with us and he was used to this, having done this monthly since last year. On the first day he kept asking if we were okay (I was panting like mad – know lar, my stamina isn’t all that great), and asked us to take a breather when he went to the areas that were REALLY tough to get into.

WS: Luckily we are FYP students. If we were doing Master’s then WE would be telling the FYP students to rest and do all the hard parts ourselves.

Whew. Imagine the ground sinking with every step until the mud came up to hip level. It was damn hard to get around on the first day but over the next few days we sorta got used to it. (we were there for four days).

Then in the evening during air pasang, another team would be dispatched to collect the traps that were set. Sometimes, this trip would be easier as we’d just pull the traps out of the water while on the boat, but it the water level was too low then we’d have to go down and get it ourselves. THEN it’d be harder (in my opinion) because then we’d have to walk through the same hip level mud with waist level water. I’d like to be able to SEE where I’m walking, thank you, even IF it was through mud like this.

Then nights were utilized to help the Master’s students measure the crabs, and to tie up any that weren’t already tied when the catch was landed earlier in the evening. WS was bitten while learning to tie the crabs, kesian… haha.

Then the times in between were the leisure times, where we go out for meals and stuff. Most of the time we sat there chatting (listening to WS talk, mostly, until he decided he was tired and kept asking us to carry the conversation).

There were many, many mosquitoes during the night. Those that flew near enough to us were killed without second thought. (hey, Don't bother me, and i won't bother -kill- you.)

All in all, not bad. ^^ looking forward to next month’s trip.

...

i KNOW lar you guys are worried and think that I came back too early but CAN you stop making it sound like my month here is a total waste of time and its like i DID NOTHING at all here but shake legs? You think I very happy ar my samples all unavailable because they are too smart to get caught in fishermen's nets? You think I tak sakit hati ar when supposedly if everything went to plan i was supposed to be half finished but now not even ONE treatment has begun? I have only THIS much patience and tolerance has NEVER been my strong suit. There's a freaking limit to listening to "So how is your project? Haven't start ah? Then what for you go back so early? So what have you done in the month you went back?" especially when it's in that freaking annoying tone. You make it sound like my entire month staying here was totally useless and worthless. I'm getting bloody hell tired, kay? Don't blame me when i dread picking up the phone when i see it's a call from that side when i used to look forward to it.

Lite N' Easy

I've finally realized why i listen to Lite FM. Its actually not for the music cuz i can take music from Fly, Hitz and whatever just as well. (although i still have zero tolerance for indian and malay stations. chinese station i can stand until the DJs start talking, which normally is after 2 minutes).

I know Lite FM is famous for playing songs from the 80s, which most people from my age group doesn't listen to. but it's not pure oldies people! the essence of the station is that it plays soothing songs - and no i'm not trying to promote the station here.

The thing is, today, after many days lacking sleep hours, i finally thought i was able to sleep in today (until lunch maybe). But NOOO~ some kambing wanted to take the key that i had borrowed for the weekend (booked under MY NAME, nonetheless) and the person in charge woke me up.

WTH??!! If you bloody hell KNEW you wanted to go today then YESTERDAY would be a great time to give some advance notice that you wanted me to go to campus and pass the key over to you right??

I need to key NOW, he says. What, you think I LIVE in the office kah? You think i own a jet kah? You think i ada Jaguar sebuah kah? Or you think I'm the royalty who owns the road and can run past traffic lights to campus in 5 minutes kah? Oh I know lar! You thought i drive ambulans or police car people will bloody give way to me!!!

I'm waiting at the main office, he says. then i went there, spent 5 minutes looking at the places i thought he'd be, and didn't find him. then i called him, he said he was waiting in his car, parked at god knows where and that he'd come find me. Okay la, so i went back to my car. then 10 minutes later he said he couldn't find me and FINALLY told me where the exact location of his car was with the bloody number plate.

the thing is i already seen the car before i called him, but no one was inside. would it kill you to tell me the number plate of your car in the FIRST conversation? What? You takut when I see you in the car alone I will gather kaki to rob you kah?

What I'm trying to say is, Lite N Easy keeps my temper in check. If I was listening to any other station this morning I probably be in a worse mood now. (especially Hitz tends to like to play rap music, which i REALLY detest.)

Oh well. Music soothes the savage beast, they say. ^^

...

My mood swings are on the verge of coming back.

noooo..... go away!

Thoughts

I realized that while i don't remember the face and name of everyone i meet (those who do know me must know by now that i remember very, very few strangers) I HAVE met many people. People - strangers, acquaintances to be exact, who've made an impact into who i am today.

In fact, everybody i know has a hand in "creating" me, so to speak. XD i do imitate people around me (saru mah, what to expect kan?), and its just a question of how much i incorporate their personalities into mine.

What brought on this was that i suddenly realized the differences of how i act when i'm in PJ and KT - depending on the current gang company. Like how while i can be a sadist in front of one, another would deem the act, erm, distasteful. ==ll

But there ARE many different people everywhere, each with different personalities. which strengthens my belief again on how we are all each different and unique, yet, its BECAUSE we are ALL different and unique, we are also all THE SAME.

And this is also why i don't really like meeting new people. Cuz they are all different and i need to remember many different things, but when I do remember them, i'd like to keep in touch with them. Reason being they've made an impact onto me (plus i DID make an effort to remember them! LOL jk).

However I keep in contact with very few people. Its not like I don't want to keep in contact with those that i lose touch with, but although i want to know more and befriend a person, the gap between us is too wide and it gets wider with every given day because there is just no way to get closer without being terribly, terribly awkward.

How can a person you're not close you impact you, you ask? Well, i don't know. But it happens to me quite often. I have a prime example of one i've met in F1 - but if i continue about this i think i would be dragging this post too long. haha.

Anyway, I'm going of the point here, i think (if i HAD any point in the first place). So the point is:

I really appreciate those of you in my life right now, and also not forgetting those who aren't but were. ^^

(ceh like giving some important thanksgiving speech only)

Just random thoughts i had while doing daily cleaning duties for my "kids" ^^

Brief break...

With the ending of today's presentation (mine), my fourth semester is FINALLY over!! In another half day i'd be heading home and by this time tomorrow i'd BE home. if my father doesn't decide to make pit stops at kuantan and god-knows-where.

Just a short break, cause when i come back here in May means i can't leave this jungle until my crabs have finally matured, and that might take four months! nothing i can't handle, anyway. i'm been away from home here for longer periods.

PLUS this time i'm gonna bring my guitar down with me! ^^

Maybe i can train my crabs to SING.

Lol XD

Relationship between cake, chocolates and friendship ^^

Just felt like posting something other than what I had forgotten what to write about earlier.

And no, this wasn’t what I had wanted to write. I still haven’t recalled it.

Whatever it was.

Sometimes I feel that some friendships are like cakes.

Why? I wonder if anyone thinks this way:

Cuz you see all over the surface of the cake is cream, right? No matter how you cut the cream in half divide, do whatever to set it apart in whatever way, in the end when you lump it all together you don’t see any gaps. The cream will stick itself back together.

That’s the outer layer.

But as you go deeper, into the inner layer into the actual cake itself, imagine cutting it in half. Imagine doing whatever you did to the cream and break it, set it apart.

When you put it back together…

It doesn’t meld together anymore.

Even if it was just a small crack, it will never again regain its original shape in one piece.

The pieces will stay, well, pieces.

You can try to arrange them back into order and then spread the cream thickly all over to hide the fact that the cake has been cut but while on the outside the cake looks like it’s a one piece, it breaks into pieces again when a time comes when you have to dig deeper past the cream.

On the other hand, there ARE some friendships that are like chocolates. ^^

There’s nothing on the surface, and when you break it, well it breaks. But if you grip it tightly enough, the chocolate will melt and be one piece again.

Which type of friendship are you in? XD

LOL.

Though I wonder if anyone can make any rational sense out of what I’m talking about. ^^;

Hah?

I loaded the page knowing full well what i was gonna say but when it finally loaded and my fingers touched the keyboard suddenly my mind went blank.

i didn't know what i wanted to say anymore.

Damn.

This has been happening quite frequently as of late. My GOD. My memory can't be formating itself when i'm in the middle of FINALS!!

What if i went in the exam hall fully prepared and hit writer's block as soon as my pen touched the answer sheet?

how? HOW?

cannot happen.

must go buy [Brand's Chicken Essence] Lol.

Which reminds me. must go re-string my badminton racket later. XD

我不知道

我知道，人类有上万种性格的动物，

可是我不知道，要怎么同那些拥有和我不同性格得的人类相处。

我知道， 人缘很重要；

可是我不知道，要怎么跟某些人沟通。

我知道， 所有人都有踏错脚步的一刻；

可是我不知道，要怎么去原谅踏到我尾巴的人。

我知道， 我对某些人的态度很不公平；

可是我不知道，要怎么改变我对这些人的偏见。

我知道， 世界不止有我一个；

可是我不知道，要怎么把除了我的存在容纳在我的世界之内。

我知道， 做错要认错，这是小学生都会的事情；

可是我不知道，要怎么看着他的眼睛，认真的对他说“对不起”。

我知道， 遇到帮了你一手的恩人要懂得感恩；

可是我不知道，要怎么在他面前，从心里表达“谢谢”。

我知道， 在现实的世界里，一个人是不能生存的；

可是我不知道，要怎么停止活在只有我一个人的梦幻之中。

我知道， 我这么做是错的；

可是我不知道，要怎么强逼自己把剩余的力量把自己推到正确的路上。

我知道我是不知道很多很多事情；

可是，

可能这就是身为恶魔的我，

永远领悟不到的人类所拥有的性格。

In the midst of things...

I feel so relieved at the moment. But at the same time I feel like I'm running out of time. Ironic, no?

Life's like that lately.

I'm happy cuz I've finished half of my pressing workload, but the other half's pinning me down and getting me depressed at the same time.

==

I know, I'm rambling. Oh well.

^^ annual dinner tomorrow ^^

Now I remember why i'm not an Atheist

Why?

Cause at times I feel there's this higher power helping me avoid bad things in life. And i'm sure i've said this a million times: "sure i don't get the best out of life, but i'm glad i'm not stationed to pick up the worst bits either."

That, people, came from a self-professed pessimist.

yep. i'm just happy to receive the normal bits. not the best, not the worst.

and i really feel blessed that i do not have to fix my car.

cuz some overgrown kambing on four wheels dashed out of a junction cross the road where i had right of way nearly made me hit it. i was doing =... 80? 90? no idea.

luckily there were no cars to the left where i swerved to, or if there WAS, luckily i did not hit them.

i'm sorry for the shock i gave to the two passengers i had then. lucky im accustomed to high speed turns, no? haha just joking.

and for the record, i'm a deist praying to buddha. XD

For the First time~

I wonder if i am a masochist. Sadist i KNOW i am since a long time ago, and i think deep down each and every one of us has a little sadistic nature in them. i mean, when someone falls, don't we like at least smile before rushing over in concern? second part is probably not in most people ^^

Anyway, back on track, i say that because think the pain from the muscle ache i'm experiencing now is kinda... nice? haha. takes me back to the days when i was training at Assunta. i used to always wake up on Sundays with muscle aches that lasted for DAYS! but i always looked forward to it XD

my campus has a badminton court!!! muscle ache result from that. damn! to think i never realised it in my two years here!! then there's a pool table we could use, too!! all free!! wahahahhaa~!

kay. i'm getting carried away. carrying on to more sobering news. my car has battery/wiring/alternator/what not problems. so i have to go get it fixed tomorrow. praying that it's the battery and tomorrow i NEED to finish filming!!! GAH!

About the pool table: It was always lying in the Pusat Sukan and i always wondered "How the heck anyone's gonna play this without equipment??!" when i passed by. Turns out they let you borrow it from the office. ^^ So means can play during office hours only. One complaint though, they SHOULD fix the fan. It was friggin hot. Imagine working up a sweat while playing pool!!

The other discovery was fun too (badminton court). Back when I used to play every week, I could take on a double pair by myself for a full hour before resting. Now with the lack of exercise~I could only tahan for like half an hour before timing out. ==ll

So as I’m typing this now my whole body is aching. except my left hand - never used it lol. but my right hand involuntarily shakes from time to time. XD abit like ouji's o.O

I booked the court next week too! hahahaha~

New Quiz

Everyone seems to be post this this results and swearing that's its the most accurate they've ever seen.

If any one hasn't tried it yet go HERE.

Best Occupational Category

You're an ORGANIZER wor? really ah~? let my roommate see sure she say wrong one

Keywords

Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

ORGANIZER CAREERS

Suggested careers are Administrator, Secretary, Printer, Paralegal, Building Inspector, Bank Cashier, Private Secretary, Statistician, Operations Manager, Financial Analyst, Bookkeeper, Medical Records Technician, Developer of Business or Computer Systems, Clerical Worker, Proofreader, Accountant, Administrative Assistant, Banker, Certified Public Accountant, Credit Manager, Store Salesperson, Actuary, Dental Assistant, Business Education Teacher, Food Service Manager, IRS Agent, Budget Analyst, and Underwriter.

ORGANIZER WORKPLACES

Your very careful, conscientious, conservative nature gives others the confidence to trust you with handling money and material possessions. Structured organizations that have well-ordered chains of command work best for you.

Suggested Organizer workplaces are large corporations, business offices, financial lending institutions, banks, insurance companies, accounting firms, and quality control and inspection departments.

2nd Best Occupational Category

You're a RESEARCHER

Keywords:

Independent, Self-Motivated, Reserved, Introspective, Analytical, and Curious

These investigative types gather information, analyze and interpret data, and inquire to uncover new facts. They have a strong scientific orientation, enjoy academic or research environments and prefer self-reliant jobs. Dislikes are group projects, selling, and repetitive activities.

• Section I: You and Your Team
  This personality overview section highlights your natural workplace talents—the tasks you pursue with passion. You'll learn how your natural strengths complement those of your coworkers and how, joining forces, you can resolve on-the-job dilemmas.
• Section II: Your Key To Success
  Here you discover your capacity for dispelling disruption and maximizing profitability. Use this proven, beyond-self-perception advice to create a more positive career path free of detours.
• Section III: Managing Strengths and Weaknesses
  Your evaluation's highest and lowest scores result in this section's recommendations for staying on-track in your career and reversing wrong turns. In focusing on your talents and missteps, you'll re-stoke your energy and enthusiasm for managing costly mistakes.
• Section IV: Leadership Power Moves
  This final section identifies your "street sense," those power moves that turn obstacles into insignificant details. Here suggestions based on your color-ranked evaluations will guide you towards making the most of an interview or harnessing your fast-paced workday.

==ll

accurate meh?

you guys be the judge la. then tell me what you think.

*on a separate note: I'M HOME~