Thursday, October 29, 2009

In the exam hall...

...a phone rang.

i thought it was someone behind me, for THREE reasons:

1) my phone was already on silent.
2) my phone doesn't have chinese songs so even if i forgot my current ringtone impossible the phone is mine.
3) the sound was soft. at first.


the ringtone rang louder.

i thought "which idiot punya phone was that"

unknown to me people behind me were snickering. i was very diligently looking at my exam questions. (the exam starts in 5 minutes)

then the ringtone rang louder and louder and louder.




i realised the sound was coming from my jacket's pocket.


*flashback to this morning*


RM: wei today want to see lecturer you got bring your phone or not?
HM: bring your phone i dowan to bring my phone to exam.
RM: take your phone i dont have the lecturer's number. i also dowan to take i no pocket to put. i want to be able to call the lecturer to make sure he's there. later we go and he's not there wasting my precious time.
HM: my phone no credit.
RM: *sighing, checks phone* give me the number. i dun have.
HM: *recites number from memory*

RM: *passes phone to me* nah you take since you have pockets. later after exam pass back to me.
me: set silent mode already?
RM: yeah.
me: sure?

5 minutes before exam starts...

*flashback ends*

i thought i TOLD her to set it on SILENT??!! how come the alarm still can ring??!!!!!!

her phones make was a sony ericsson model. one of the brands i'm worst with due to the totally different key functions with nokia.

normally people can effectively shut off the phone in seconds.

i fidgeted with the stupid gadget for a full minute before managing to switch it off. WHILE the alarm was ringing.

double =_=ll

some random examiner that has been standing behind since god knows when: ei. tutup handphone.


THIS is what i get for helping people out???????!!!!!!

should i blame myself for not further asking whether the phone will make other noises?

or RM for not remembering an alarm was set?

or HM for not bringing her OWN phone??!!

ei go die la wei.

so memalukan. for EVERY exam i had brought my phone with me and this had never happened!

crap la.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Tale of a Godforsaken Eagle

Once, a soul-less eagle egg laid in a crevice.

unmoving, unknowing, uncaring. not feeling anything.

he did not care for the joy and the pain experienced by the other eggs above him. anything but himself was not his business.

he laid there through the heat and the cold, the sun and the rain, living entirely in his own world.

once day, he was noticed. someone picked him up and put him in a nearby swan's nest, assuming he had fell from there.

he laid in the nest with the other swan eggs, thinking, they are different. he was different. there was no way they could live together. and so he rejected them.

one by one the baby swans hatched and left. only he refused to hatch, always wishing the mother swan would just get up and be with her real offspring and leave him alone.

but the mother swan did not give up. she sat there, patiently, waiting for him to emerge from his shell.

everyday, she would encourage him.

every night, she would lull him to sleep.

days passed and the eaglet got used to the swan's company. it decided to finally emerge from its shell.

the swan took great care of the eaglet as he grew, guiding him, protecting him. although he treated the swan indifferently at first, as time passed the eaglet grew much more closer to the swan than he'd expected.

he came to see the swan as his god, one who gave him life, one who created him. any wish of hers was his command, and any request she had he had not the heart to deny. he would protect the swan from any danger with all his might.

such was his devotion to his god.

life went on. however all of a sudden the swan started to avoid the eagle. it came to the point where she treated him as a stranger in her life.

one day, the swan left the grassland where they had lived all this time and joined a neighboring flock of swans without any notice to the eagle.

the eagle broke. god had created him. now god had forsaken him.

But try as he might, he would not forget his god. so great was his devotion that he would follow the words of the god that had forsaken him no matter how it hurt.

Those whom he had acknowledged were precious few, after all.

And the swan was the one he had gotten the closest to.

God, if you were going to forsake me,
why did you create me in the first place?
I was perfectly happy not knowing joy.
not knowing pain.
not knowing anything.
Just living the way i was.
Now god, if you forsake me from Heaven where i can never reach;
then forgive me as i follow Lucifer to Hell where i truly belong.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Life as it is now

Student's life consist of 5 major components:



Sunday, October 11, 2009


there exist two different types of beings in this world we live in.

the demon, a being who cares for no one and nothing but itself, and

the angel, the other who cares puts others' wellbeing before itself.

those who exist between these two extremes, living between a mixture of these two cares, are called humans.

spreading its wings the demon can fly to the limits of the human sky, but it will never be able to reach heaven.

by itself, the angel's wings can carry it to heaven where it belongs, but it tries to care and ends up carrying too many people to be able to make it past the human sky.

the demon can enter hell any time with any amount of humans. After all it is far easier to drag everything down than to lift anything up.

the demon watches as the angel strains itself at the impossible task of carrying everyone to heaven.

"you care too much," it says to the angel, "let go of some and you will be able to enter heaven once more. the sins of those whom you carry are too heavy for you to bear."

"i can't. those who i leave behind will be upset." the angel replies, "i don't want to upset people i care about."

"i'll say this again. you care too much. some people do not deserve your kindness. until you learn to let go, you will never reach heaven with your wings."

and the angel continues its futile struggle to save everyone it cares about as the demon watches.

if he had the angel's wings, he would have entered heaven without caring. but then again, he wasn't an angel to begin with. he can never be an angel.

but in reality, the demon is envious of the angel. envious of its capability and will power to care of others beyond its means and never falling to the demon's temptation to forsake those whom it carries.

remaining an angel.

while the demon loses itself to humanity.

and therefore effectively losing his very existence.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I suddenly realised...

...if i can make a smooth but albeit not too perfect U-turn using three different manual cars,

why the heck when i'm driving my mom's auto Gen 2 my U-turns are horribly unstable??

in a little more than a month i'll be back.

and I swear to heaven and hell I'll get you to perform perfect U-turns for me.

just you wait!


Friday, October 02, 2009


Tell me,

Why do I even bother to put on a mask?

A façade to deceive people around me?

People who I ACTUALLY trust and care about?

I was told that it was because we had hearts.

I did not have one before this.

Even if I did it lay dormant and forgotten.

But being with people like you made me human.

Being with people like you made me have a conscience.

Is this a good thing?

Its good that I care more about people I trust now.

But I am fake towards those I dislike.

This is not good.

As least, when I wasn’t human

Everyone was equal.

I showed my dislike whenever I wanted and my trust whenever I willed.

I was true to what I feel.

Even if whatever I felt then was limited.

Thursday, October 01, 2009


There's a saying in chinese about a person having no manners (没家教). i generally do not like calling anyone by that name.


this saying implies that a person having no manners is of no fault of his own but of his parents'.

eh Hello.

yes i do know some parents are to blame for neglecting their kids. but then your life is yours. how you decide to live is your decision. and therefore, all faults are also yours. no matter what kind of stupid excuse you make to push to other people.

because, no matter how credible and true that stupid excuse is, you can ALWAYS find a way to reject that excuse and put the blame on yourself.

so this is also why we shouldn't blame our parents for the our own bloody lack of manners.

i say that i don't like to use this saying on anyone. but there ARE situations that just inevitably make me want to yell it at the person.

if it doesn't belong to you, you have no goddamn right to take it. not unless the right was given to you by the owner.

why is it that humans are self-centered to the point where they think its okay for them to do anything to everybody's items but to use anything belonging to them others need to beg for their permission?


so now you've taken it without permission. used it without permission. damaged it without prior knowledge of the owner.

are YOU going to give it back?

you have no goddamn business using the goddamn thing okay?! even if you were curious the way it works, bloody hell it was never your turn to try it out even without permission.

understand the goddamn hierarchy in the system you exist in and learn your goddamn place.

and please.

don't expect people to clean your goddamn mess.

and also.

please don't use that idiotic look on me. it only works on dogs.