Wednesday, February 18, 2015


Sometimes when you care too much, you run the risk of falling into tunnel vision.

You care too much, you think too much, you assume too much,  and then you stress too much. Both you, and everyone around you.

The brain and the heart each has thoughts of their own.

But the brain, ever rational and logical, will never win against that of the heart. Irrational, impulsive and sometimes downright delusional.

Stop caring.

Let your brain have a chance to think.

To make rational decisions.

You might find that it helps you take more care.

As with all things, easier said than done. 

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Curbing habits made possible due to addiction

I'm bored. It's not healthy that I spend every unoccupied waking moment of the day craving for the drug that I had been addicted to for quite some time.

It is certainly no less worse that every free moment is suffered with withdrawal symptoms so heartbreaking I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore.

I made up all the excuses. I tried to read minds, to predict behaviour. To explain myself over thinking things. I believed. I trusted. I still do.

The half of me says I'm an idiot. I never gave more than second chances. Why is this any different? Why is the other half not stopping? Why do I still want to believe?

I never wanted to be a pest. But I never behaved like this before the addiction.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

The limit you strive to surpass

I believe that when one tries to surpass one's limit, they do so under the shadow of two role models they created in their lives.

One, it's the perfect version of themselves, who has achieved all their dreams and aspirations, who has everything they ever wanted, who has no other wants because they already have it all.

The second role model is that one person, or persons in their lives who resembles closest to that prefect self they have projected in their imagination.

I myself am chasing these two models. Doing my level best to stand on par with them. But as it is now,  it feels like they are walking further and further from me while I'm chained to the spot unable to move.

I strain myself trying to move. I push myself to surpass these limits I have. It's not enough.

They are moving further away even now. Soon I won't even be able to see their shadows in the distance.

Will I fall and lose everything before reality hits me and tells me it all doesn't matter in the end?

If so, why am I trying so hard?

The imagine of the perfect me blurs at times, and changes from the perfect human being, to just this person with the courage to end it all.