Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Saturday, September 08, 2012
I find it ironic that I’m slowly morphing into the type of person that I hate having around me. But is it really morphing though? Did this other personality exist within me, suppressed, from the beginning?
Is this just another proof to the saying “birds of a feather flock together”?
I start to suspect that years of putting on different masks for different crowds of people might have subconsciously made a tear in my original personality, tearing it up into different branches, yet not completely separated at the root, much like how a tree would be.
The question is, which mask that I wear now is not a mask? I do not know. I abstain from using the term split personality as that condition would signify to different persons within one. I am not. Though not aware at the moment I’m doing it, I sometimes react very differently to same situations under different moods.
Yeah, so some would say that that’s the foul mood talking, but what it my different moods aren’t moods at all? What if those different moods ARE the different personalities that I go through life with?
This is gibberish. I myself am starting to not understand what is it that I’m trying to convey. My current train of thought was triggered by the fact that I woke up to face just a little too much off the tipping point of brainless people doing things without thinking (how could they, they are brainless) about the effects they would make on other people, namely, me.
I know I sound like a brat and a selfish snob, because that’s exactly what I feel like at the moment. My tolerance to human kind this morning has gone SO low that I wish I can either be some rich kid living off my parents’ estate in some remote area where I do not need to care about the world outside me, OR be independent enough that I can live in some jungle somewhere with wild animals instead of humans, OR (the most do-able choice IMO) to commit some not so petty crime but dangerous enough to be a menace to people around me and get thrown into prison and stay there in solitary confinement for the rest of my life.
Now I understand why there are so many repeat offenders. I mean, even if you honestly wanted to chance after a jail term, chances are once you are released into the world you would be too overwhelmed by the technological advancements that the outside society has accomplished to do anything that could earn you a better living, harder still finding a job as employers generally do not employ people with criminal records, leaving you to do jobs that would result you living in a state that is worse than that in jail.
So, for a bit of luxury that society is denying you, you commit a crime so that you can improve your living standards, but you are careless, and was thrown back in jail where you find that life inside the brick walls is not so bad after all. People don’t judge you because they have done the same or worse than you, and that they are judged by the outside world themselves. You get meals and accommodation that is financed by taxpayers who on the outside would not give you a chance for a new life. Prison food is no gourmet meal and the accommodation isn’t some 5-star hotel, but certainly no less that want you would have to live with out there with those cynical stares and whispers after a long, tiring day of honest’s day’s toil and hard work.
Conditions in prison might not be much better than that of the outside, but the environment and the lack of mental stress would do so much to make it worth staying inside.
But don’t take my word for it. What do I know? I’ve never been to prison. Never personally knew a prisoner. I wouldn’t know how being one feels like, would I?
At this point in time, I just wish to be left in a space devoid of human life.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Once upon a time, there was a fox that quite enjoyed the darkness and seclusion of its den, to the dismay of his sunshine loving pack members. He ventured out only when necessary, and socialized infrequently only with those that he thought close to heart. Though there were rare exemptions when he was dragged along by his pack to places he would never otherwise gone, to meet foxes that he would never otherwise approach.
I knew this was going to happen.
The darkness of his den was calming, possessing none of the frequent disturbances brought forward by nature or otherwise. The den was comforting and required him to worry about nothing but himself and his future. His pack members could never understand that. They are of the opinion that life only exists out there in the sun, and that his ungodly long hours of seclusion could only mean that he did not live life long enough to fully comprehend the joy of the outside world, like they had.
Perhaps it is you who do not understand the essence of darkness and the stability it brings.
As much joy as the sun-lit world brings, it brings about twice as many disasters and pain. However blinded by the brightness of the sun, his pack mates often forget about the latter occurrences, only focusing on the positive, lamenting and complaining about “why does this always happen to me???” when the negatives do happen.
I told you this would happen. I told you not to put hope in a lost cause. But what can I do when you decide otherwise and get yourself hurt again and again? Even without hope and expectations, one can be disappointed so thoroughly. And now you wonder yet again why things happen to you even when it has become so painfully predictable that it will inevitably do so.
He retreats in his den, back to the solitude the darkness offers, while his pack mates complain yet once again of expectations that were never met, expectations, he thinks, that should never have existed in the first place.
Even in indifference, disappointment can break through. And when it does, it numbs the mind to so much that it thoroughly kills what hope that is left harbored in the soul.
To hope is to hurt. Placing hope in the right place will not. But more often than not people who hope place expectations that cannot be met in all the wrong places and get their soul broken to pieces. Then when the soul manages to finally heal itself, the scumbag of one’s mind will decide to place hope yet again in a place that will hurt.
Again, and again, and again.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Woke up. Eyes opened. But so lazy to move. The other three hasn’t woken up yet. So bored. Oh! Good time to suck on other people’s ear. ^^
Didn’t go well. Got scolded and everyone woke up. Still dark, must be early. Keeper usually doesn’t appear until everything is bright. Besides, the door is silent.
Oooh! Rock! PLAY!
Why is she running so fast! Let’s play! Come back! CHASE!!!!!
Ooh! Log. Nice. Rub rub rub….
There is sound behind the door! GOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!
The sound disappeared. So tired. Shall wait by the door.
Keeper is walking around. Why you no feed me???
Hey! That’s my rock!!! Give it back!!! Wait!!! Don’t run!!! Grrr!!!!!
Rock is boring. Rub on log…
The door opened!!!! GOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!! Fish!!!! Gimme gimme gimme NOW!!!!!
There she goes again with the weird hand signals and whistle sounds… Okay i’m turning i’m turning… now gimme my fish!
How long does she want me to stay still and be quiet? WHISTLE!!!! FISH!!!! GIMMEGIMME!!!!
Keeper left through the mysterious door. Must investigate behind door someday. But so full. So sleepy…
This log feels so good… Rub rub rub….
watcha looking at?
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Okay, first things first.
It did not hurt. Well during the procedure anyways.
But it hurt like hell 6 hours after the surgery, and the day after I began looking like that rat down there on the right.
My dentist had warned me that people needed an MC day after the surgery so I had booked an appointment on my day offs on purpose. Scumbag gums did not think one day of rest was enough and proceeded to swell up and hurt so much that I had to take so much pain-killers that relaxed my muscles so much that all I could do was just not move and lie down all day.
The tooth on my upper jaw was normal enough, the dentist pulled it out in a matter of minutes. It was the lower one that was troublesome. Somehow in the years that it had been growing horizontally and abnormally, they managed to insert their roots long enough to reach the nerves. Plus, the right side, which were extracted, had roots shorter than those on the left.
Which would probably make it worse when they are gonna be pulled out two months later.
For now, I have to live the next few weeks eating liquid diets and soft foods.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
In my own really selfish way of living and finding joy and happiness in living out this life, I find that the only way to do so and find self-satisfaction is to master the art of being evil, and to control the extent of how badly you can treat other people who doesn’t know how to control themselves.
It’s confusing. I know. But I’m not one who knows how to explain things well in terms understandable by the general public, so just let me rant on even if none of these makes any sense whatsoever.
Anyway, my theory is, there are the good guys, the guys who pretend to be good, bad guys, and then there are the bad guys who are good guys in disguise.
1. The good guy
The person who is nice, kind, tolerant and generally a saint to all the types of humans described above. So when someone does something wrong, this person forgives them and even thinks of logical, rational excuses why such people need to do such mean behaviours. Once in a while is good, but once this person starts to be unable to handle the selfish and inconsiderate behaviour of others, they will slowly build unneeded unhappiness and stress everytime they try to figure out why the heck people have to treat them badly, take advantage of them, blah blah, etc.
Professions suitable for such personalities: Anything that requires dealing with customers/clients/people over 50% of the time. Such as nurses, doctors, teachers, lecturers, and customer service.
2. The guys who pretend to be good
These people are in fact, people who are rotten in the inside, and put on a nice mask to lead society into believing that they are actually good and kind people. Their target is mostly the good guys as mentioned above, as being easily trusting, they are able to get these good people to do their bidding using nice words. So these guys live easy, having other people do stuff and ultimately take credit for it.
Professions suitable for such personalities: Con man, Sales agent, Insurance agent, anything that requires someone to trust you long enough to give you money and then disappear from their lives forever.
3. The bad guys
These people are bad. And the good thing is they are not afraid to show it. The bad thing however is that there IS a reason as to why they are not afraid to show it. They are so obviously evil that to prevent people from having a chance to avoid them, they strike fast, and hard, and some of the time, fatally. People generally end up hoping to meet the wolves that pretend to be sheep rather than the true wolves themselves since the consequences normally is less physically damaging.
Professions suitable for such personalities: Mafia, robbers, theives… you get my meaning.
4. The bad guys that are good guys in disguise
I want to believe that the world is full of these people. But the thing is I don’t run into them, and it’s like there’s a oversaturation of pure bad people and good people in the space I exist in. But then of course the bad guys who pretend to be good are normally elusive and could possibly be easily miscalculated as one of the pure good aquaintances that I know. Anyway, these people are like mirrors. They’d mirror the type of whatever the person they’re dealing with is. Which is easy if the target is a good person. But the key point is that these people are able to be worse bad guys than the bad guys they meet and then emerge from the interaction “victorious”. In a sense that they can let go of whatever the bad stuff that is thrown at them and bear no malice, but is able to find it in their hearts to take revenge at the first chance they get. You know, to be fair. So in short, these people are good to good people, and bad to bad people.
Professions suitable for such personalities: I don’t know. Because of the amazing adaptability of these people, the possibilities are endless as well. LOL.
Disclaimer: This “analysis” has no scientific research background whatsoever, except by the extremely limited number of samples that were taken from the human population in a very confined area. So there is no accuracy assured with the above text and is basically generally unloading of rants by someone that is not at all satisfied with the number of bad people and also with the number of good people that needlessly put up with the evil antics of bad people pretending to be good.
Sunday, April 01, 2012
So one fine saturday I kidnapped two people that I’ve not seen in little over a year (i think) and began a road trip to this place:
Publika, or better own to my Ovi GPS as Solaris Dutamas, which is essentially the same place, anyway. Oh and by the way, for the lack of self taken pictures, all pictures seen on this post has been taken without proper consent from whoever it was that captured them in the first place.
First off, the distance wasn’t too bad, it was just like a drive to MV, just slightly more confusing drive and toll fees included. Oh and I should add that I have no idea this place existed two weeks prior and my nokia got us here. Anyway, I suppose what’s different about the place (besides it being totally new and unheard of) is that the designers/landscapers/what-do-you-call-these-people(?) are reeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllly random people. They apparently think that putting random chair looking objects around the mall is a great idea and did just that. It’s… artistic, in a really really abstract way. But to give them credit it does make the place more fun.
Oh and since it’s so new and unheard of, the place was comfortably filled with people with the nearest group normally 2-3 meters away, sometimes more ^^ imagine that happening in Pyramid, or MV on a weekend! It’s the prefect place to go walk around with people you kidnapped in a mall for the day and not get stressed by humans walking 2 inches away from each side of you. (Source of trauma: Some weekend some time ago in MV).
I like this place. The eccentric art pieces lying around pretending to be chairs is a plus and a great conversation topic every now and then. Oh and there was this earth day thing going on, so there were like recycled robots everywhere. Such as this:
I regret that the mother of this kid did not take the epic recycled thing that looked like a robot (most likely cause it was too hideous) with huge cone shaped boobs. Seriously, it explains why some time ago there was a big commotion about not allowing people to wear clothes that “pokes eyes”. That robot COULD and WOULD poke people’s eyes out given the right reason and height.
But basically what I got from their earth day campaign (whoever was running it) was the idea to use trash to make more trash. Hence, reusing the trash. Oh well, people seem to enjoy this concept of protecting the earth so I’ll just let it slide. Like this quote I’ve seen somewhere:
Humans are the only creatures that would chop down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “SAVE OUR TREES” on aforementioned paper
Oh and the only thing I dislike about this place was the apparently stylish concept from the same eccentric designers/landscapers/architects/whatever-you-call-these-people(?) of a transparent roof so that we can apparently see the stars/watch it rain/sun bathe/whatever.
Now if I wanted to expose my pupils to the great wonders of the midday sun, I’d go OUTdoors. But I’m INdoors and I expect INdoor lighting and atmosphere, and I expect artificial sunlight. LOL. Anyway, that’s just me. If it WERE night I suppose it’d be cool if we could see the stars and stuff. XD
But we went there in the day. So.
I don’t like sun.
On a side note: (this wasn’t supposed to be a side note but this post got too damn long) I really enjoyed myself that day. XD Ooh and there’s the carpark! Empty with ample parking space ^^ but the autopay, not so good. Why can’t there be a machine on every floor? Or signs that point to the machine instead of a map on the other side that marks the location of the machine?
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Time, as we all should already know by now, has its own pace. The scumbag likes to run when we need to take it slow and crawl when we wish it to be fast. So what does it do if one wants it to be fast and slow at the same time? Damn you know they don’t care, Time goes as it goes. It’s just fast sometimes because we are often too preoccupied with stuff (fun, stress, work, whatever) to notice it pass us. Then when we have nothing better to focus on, we do nothing but stare at the clock, making its agonizing slow pace seem to be so much slower than it would rightfully seem to be.
I want time to move slower because there are so many things I wanna do and just so many more hours I wanna sleep. Lol. Jk. But seriously, if time was a little slower, I could learn more things. Then again, chances would be higher if I just wish that my brain learns and absorbs things better. That’d probably work better than relying on time to walk the pace I want it to.
Then, I wish time would move faster because I’m anticipating the future arrival of many other things. Like the inevitable price reduction on ultrabooks for various brands so that I can afford to get one that is reasonably powered and updated, also a speed monster that will not eat up its own battery life. I’m being a tad bit unreasonable here, I know. XD
I’m also looking forward to the completion of the LRT rail that’s supposed to be done in a few years time. Reason being, once it’s completed I do not have to dread the jam on the way home every night, sparing me the agony of sharing road space with a thousand other equally irritated drivers that are unwillingly stuck in gridlock such as I. Then, I would be able to get back home earlier every night and leave home later since the I live (or should be living) in between two stations, saving me many hours each day. And WHEN that happens I can finally probably get a dog ^^
I can’t get one now cause I’m not home often enough and long enough to care for the little fella. I don’t want to end up being one of those human beings who gets a pet and ends up not knowing anything about it. When I was working before, I always have to control myself to not show my pissed off face when some “loving” pet owner comes in with their pampered pet complaining of some illness and knowing nothing about the symptoms and condition of the pet. And who actually does, you ask? Well, in most cases the maid. Then they go around saying that the animal belongs to them when the animals, for the most part, are closer to the maid compared to them.
Oh well. Getting off topic.
Means its time for me to stop. Haha.
Time was never meant to be controlled by humans. All we can do is to try to ignore its passage while making the most of it.
Friday, March 09, 2012
I dunno if how far this has been circulating, but recently there’s a lot of people posting this news about this wan tan mee stall owner splashing scalding hot water on some innocent dog (Well, on my FB wall anyway). o.O
I’m not gonna say that this is not an action of cruelty, NOOOO.
This guy is definitely being really cruel and unfair to that hapless dog that’s probably just attracted to his “famous” wan tan mee.
But what I’m trying to say is, we (society) is TOO focused on the people who directly do acts of cruelty toward these animals. How about those people that do it INDIRECTLY?
How can someone be cruel indirectly, you ask. Well, in my opinion, this title can be bestowed upon those humans that have done actions that led to this miserable ending (the dog – or whatever else – being tortured).
For one, if the dog has an owner, then the owner is at fault for letting his animal run free.
If the dog HAD an owner, then its the ex-owner’s fault for abandoning the poor thing without a proper means of survival other than to wander around, sniffing around “famous” wan tan mee stalls, and end up angering the owner of the place, causing the owner to be cruel to the animal, leading to some “helpful” civilian taking pictures to spread the news AFTER a kind person has rescued the dog, giving publicity to the evil owner, but not highlighting the fact that a REAL kind civilian had taken in the poor dog and help it for real (permanently or not, I’m not sure, cuz these “kind” civilians are more interested in getting people to boycott the stall than to ask people to ACTUALLY help the animals).
If the dog NEVER had an owner, then its parents probably had owners, if not, well, SOMEWHERE up in the doggy family tree, there exists this particular dog who HAD a human being who “released” it into the wild. Now then, I blame THIS human, for being the root of all animal cruelty that we find (mostly) in strays. Why, cause this genius set free a part of a breeding machine that will ensure the births of many unwanted animals in the world.
And, it is normal for such people to frown at people euthanizing strays, saying it is unhumane and whatnot, it can be adopted, but will never adopt one for themselves. Same goes to the people who are said to have watched the stall owner pour hot water on the above mentioned dog.
These people THINK they are not included in the equation, but in reality, they are already in the mist of it, guilty of the most common form of cruelty ever: APATHY.
To these sorry excuses of human beings, I sincerely pray that when their time comes (or ends, whatever), may whomever rule over hell make sure that they get to experience whatever they have done to these animals a thousand fold, and that they are reborn into such animals with the same fate for many cycles to come.
Remember, animals that are wanted, are “pets”. Animals that are not, are Strays, and that is where the S in “peSt” comes from.
PESTs should be eliminated for the greater good.
It sounds cruel, but it is a form of reluctant cruelty that is born from the unknowing and evil cruelty of others.
We should not give more chances to so called human beings to fall in to the temptation that is cruelty.
Have a pleasant existence, people of the world.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Sometimes, when people tell you to let go, reality is, you KNOW you have to let go.
You KNOW that holding on is stupid.
That holding on so desperately so something that will not give you the time of day is utterly ridiculous.
That holding on to that which you feel so dear to you will not bring you any results. At least, any results that you dream would happen if you held on for long enough.
You KNOW. You really do.
But you can’t let go.
To crap with whoever said “If you really want something, let it go. If it belongs to you, it will always come back. If it doesn’t come back to you, then it never belonged to you in the first place”
Because you know if you ever let go, you know it will never come back. And you can never fool yourself into pretending that it still belongs to you. Not ever again.
Like a kid and his favorite toy, the only way to ask the kid to let go of the toy is for the kid to realize he wants a better toy. Only then he will let go of the previous toy in an effort to own the new, better toy.
This has always been the condition for me to let go of anything.
I need to be obsessed with something better.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Okay so recently I’ve succumbed to an addiction to touch screen high tech toys. To be specific:
I know, I know, there are newer versions and this is going to be obsolete fast. But I prefer my touch screens to be big and this is one of the thinnest and lightest tablet computers on the market(compared also to iPad 2 – and I still don’t feel like using Apple stuff).
The other is this:
The Zenbook is at LEAST (at lowest specs) 1k+++ more expensive than the tablet. That aside, I’m still thinking if I’ll get used to using a tablet all the time instead of a laptop.
The tablet is: highly mobile, no need to flip open, and has touch screen.
BUT. It’s processor will make it slower than the laptop and I like my tech toys fast. It also comes with low in-built memory storage (I know I can store stuff online but I’d like to access my stuff when the internet is not available – and I don’t plan to get a data plan – yet).
The laptop has: a bigger screen, and bigger (more sufficient) memory space in built, and whoooo~ I’ll SURE to get the model with a decently speedy processor.
BUT. It’s not as convenient. No touch screen. And did I mention 1k+++ more moolah needs to be spent on this brat?
It’s unfair since I’m comparing two totally different genre of things although they are used in more or less the same way.
I suppose I’ll have to consider which will suit my lifestyle more.
Oh well. It’s not like I can afford it now anyway. So I’ll probably wait until more advanced technology to appear so that the price will be reduced.
God knows THAT happens so very often.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Chinese New Year is minutes away and so far I’m keeping to my resolution pretty well for the past 3 weeks (lagging in some items, but pretty good overall ^^)
As usual, although before sitting here and typing these words I normally have this HUGE rush of ideas of what to write, but when I actually find the time to sit in front of the screen and start typing, nothing comes to minds anymore.
Erm. Well, the Eagle has taken the bait and it’s digesting it for some three months. And for this reason also I am currently restricted to my rights of freedom of speech, so to this effect please expect more metaphors that I will only be able to explain verbally in person. XD
Also, recently I’ve realized that after staying in Sabah for two months plus, I’ve grown really attached to the way Sabahans speak their malay. So much that now when I speak malay I don’t like using “I” or “You” in place of “aku” and “ko”. The only thing I don’t use would be the suffix “-bah”
This is weird as I do like to speak in rojak language when I’m with people who understand all the four languages I do.
I wonder why. Maybe I just like to use bahasa baku. XD
But I don’t have qualms when people use “kl malay” as they call it.
I try to post a relevant picture in my posts for this year (be it literal or metaphorical) but its late and I need to sleep.
So yeah. ^^
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I don’t normally remember my dreams, but maybe this one stuck to my head due to three things:
1. I was driving.
2. I misplaced my car.
3. The person I asked for directions gave me a very “memorable” answer.
So I was driving down a highway, (heading for home, I suppose – I don’t remember) then came a toll booth that instructed Touch N’ Go users to go up a long green flyover – which I did.
Then after the toll I looked for a way to go back down, and it turns out the place led to a HUGE shopping mall with an equally HUGE parking area.
And so for some reason I parked my car and walked into the mall, and subsequently got myself lost.
I tried asking for directions from this bangla in the food court, and he said he didn’t know the way. So I wandered around and found a Maxis centre. The woman inside seemed to know something but couldn’t tell me. Then she said:
“When we worked here, they told us this was the ONLY PLACE THAT EXISTED”
Nevertheless I must have looked so confused that she wrote something on a poster and showed it to me – directions, I suppose, cause I remember going to the carpark later.
Trouble was I had forgotten where I parked my car and had to wander around again searching for it. I was still searching for it when an incoming call woke me up.
Crap. This is definitely ONE dream I don’t want coming true.
Moral of the story: ALWAYS TAKE A PICTURE OF A MARKED PILLAR NEAR YOUR PARKING SPACE.
In another somewhat related note: The Eagle is chewing on the bait.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Nope. I don’t think the chicken, and its stupidly enticing and dangling leash, wants anything else to do with me anymore.
Haha~ I think I ignored that leash for too long~
Anyway, I think the eagle likes me. ^^
Here’s hoping to the capture of the eagle.