Sunday, November 20, 2011


I am, in many ways, a hypocrite. 

I’ll complain and preach to people about bad habits or behavior humans have that tick me off, then somewhere along the road I’ll do commit those sins myself.

I know. I expect every other human being out there besides myself to be perfect.

I know it’s unfair. I know sometimes their behavior tick me off at the worst timings. I know at times they themselves can’t help it. I know if I were in their shoes I’d be like that as well, and helpless about it too.

But I get ticked off anyway.

That’s how hypocritical I am.

So at times like this I hate myself for being human. For being unable to be fair. For being a hypocrite.

Mostly for being a hypocrite.

Crap. I know I’m in the wrong. But don’t go about yelling as if you’ve always been right. And just as I found a way to turn my mood around completely, and feel like sharing that joy with you, you come back and spout another load of crap at me.


But you’re supposed to already forget about it and f*cking move on.

YOU were the one who told me to move on. Why can’t you?

And you. Just because you’ve got crap loaded all over you, don’t go around scooping it up and loading it at someone else.

And me. I hate myself for not being able to control my moods better. I hate my negative moods for being do friggin dominant. I hate the positive ones for being so positively god damned HARD to drag out.

I get too easily distracted.

I hate it.

Tying up things are a way to be control those things. That’s why I hate ties that I did not get a chance to consent to. It’s good if I eventually learn to tolerate those ties but I never got to it. Maybe, someday, in the future? Not likely, at this rate.

I do not accept any bindings besides the ones I’ve personally placed on myself.

And you. The one who left all physical bindings. Free from all who controls you.

Was that why you left?

Have you obtained the ultimate freedom?

I wish to be like you someday, even if the freedom I’ve imagined was just an illusion.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


was that you?
thank you.
I'm selfish, i know.
but please come again if you can?
I miss you so much.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

A tribute to you

You were born, possibly due to irresponsibility.
Whether directly or indirectly.
By chance, you found your way to me, where you were to be released from this irresponsible world you were bred into.
I took you in. You had no choice but to accept.
I watched you grow.
They said you would be big. Bigger still if you had access to everything you could devour.
I watched you learn all the selfish things I wanted to teach you.
You knew. And you would grudgingly oblige me.
Your freedom was something I took in exchange for my hospitality.
I did all I could, and all I could ill afford, to try to ensure you at least had a healthy life.
I tried to make you happy to the best of my ability.
Were you? 
I wasn’t there much after your teenage years.
And after you reached adulthood still my presence in your life was infrequent.
But you were always in mine. 
You wandered away sometimes, but you always stayed near.
If you didn’t, you’d still always return.
Back home.
Now you didn’t. 
You couldn’t.
I watched you leave.
Did you wait so that I could do so?
I wish you happiness wherever you are now.
I miss you. Already.
I’ll find you. Someday.
If you’d still have me.
Come find me sometimes.
I promise I won’t be scared.
But don’t linger too long, move on when you can.
I love you. Always.