Saturday, January 26, 2013

Checking off the list


So as the first month of twelve this year is nearing an end, I am THIS (> <) close to completing my first resolution:

Pay my PTPTN.

Which will be done in the next two weeks, as it is not good to owe people money over Chinese New Year. (A belief I make my principle, anyway)

I’ve also accomplished a sub-resolution. But I shall remain mysterious about this one. Hahahaha~

Moving on.


Next in the list is to replace my c7 with an s3, due maybe April or May, given two reasons. One being that after that pulling that PTPTN stint, I will be broke for the next few months trying to rebuild my “fortune” and also that s4 is supposed to be announced around March, so being me, I’m waiting for the price to drop. A reeeeally risky move seeing that Note2 SUDDENLY had a price increase god knows for what reason.

After that…. There will be another resolution requiring the use of one grand (or more) of my savings. So….

Damn. The year of the Snake is definitely a money spending year for me. I can only hope that the year of the Horse will protect my wallet more. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Looking up, Glaring down.


I rarely look up at people. Not that I’m some pompous, arrogant brat (although that is debatable to some people to some extent), but that people I met rarely give me the chance to do so. Or more specifically, my own weird and abnormal way of classifying people prevents me from doing so.

Most of the time I treat those around me as equals, with the condition that they are 5 years older/younger than me. Any older, I find them hard to communicate with with their extra experiences and stubbornness and un-open-mindedness (to some extent), any younger and I consider them annoying brats and wish to have nothing to do with them (I do have a psychological complex regarding people, I confess).


I try my best to respect everyone that I know and come into contact with (unless, of course, you’re this stranger tourist from a foreign land that think you are so high and mighty that you can do whatever you want on foreign soil just because you come from a richer country and is richer than most of us, or along those lines.)


I try. But I’m the “an eye for both eyes, a tooth for your jaw” kinda person. But this has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

What I’m trying to say is, the people who I should be looking up to does not have anything worth looking at. And those I DO look up to, I can count using fingers on one hand. I try very hard to win their approval. I crave it (though I hope I do not do it too obviously ^^ll) and it upsets me when I feel that I do not meet their expectations and that I let them down. But it also hurts that they do not trust me enough to be doing what I’m supposed to do, and to do what I can within my various limitations.

I am not perfect. All I can do is try. And mostly when I attempt something, I give myself an 80% or higher chance of actually succeeding.

I suppose it’s good that I’ve people that place expectations that is my 90-150% (though not now, as I’ve let said people down), but right now my limit is to constantly run at 80%, to go higher than that will warrant a breakdown the next day and I won’t be able to bring out the usual 80%.

I can't really run at 100% everyday. If I do, I can't function at 150% when the situation really needs it. >.<

Do you see that?

I see it. It upsets me that that gaze you reserve for those you disdain has now been deemed appropriate for me. I still respect them. I do. But I need to stop looking up to them, for my own sake.

Thinking about it hurts. And it’s demotivating. That doesn’t help. At all.

Gah. I’m confusing myself. I need my mind to stop spinning.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Ze Obligatory New Year Post

Okay, so it’s nearly a week into the new year, and looking back at last year, at this time I was two-timing offers from to two companies (God, I’ve been working for a year! Almost anyway. Has it really been THAT long?). Anyway, last year was the first year that I have a list of resolutions, which, I might add, I held on to for the beginning half of the year.

>here comes the excuse<

-Then, in the later half, the old bean refused to renew the lease on the then current house and we have to shift in two weeks short notice to another place 5 minutes drive away. Story of my life, for as long as I have been born. So we shifted and the transition did hell to my momentum, which I never really did regain even now (I’m trying!) and the first of my new year resolutions failed. Horribly.-

But that’s that.

This year, I’m gonna like write it in capital letters and stick it somewhere noticeable. That kinda visibility should up it’s chances of surviving a bit.

I haven’t really gotten to write this year’s yet. But top of the list is to: repay PTPTN!!!

I’ll think of the others later. XD