Expectations

Don't expect me to do the best, for i would return your expectation by presenting my worst.

But expect me to fail, and i will show you that i will surpass them all.

i'm such an ironic person. my performance is always inversely proportionate with the expectations people have for me.

the higher the hope they lay on me, the worse i'll turn out.

however my friends are not the type to pijak me and expect the worst.

so normally they'd expect just the average. and that is what i would give.

High expectations give me stress. and i don't function well under stress.

the 7 minutes i spent waiting for my turn to present this morning HAD to be the longest and most stressful moment of my life so far.

endless comments, endless questions, and to top it off he was praised as a good presenter.

i had to top that. i needed to. i failed.

i became nervous.

when i stood before the podium, before the audience, my mind was blank.

i didnt know what i was doing anymore.

i tried to present within my time limit. and in that aspect too i failed.

somehow i became tongue tied and rushed through my slides.

my speed as also worse than ever. i wasn't presenting anything. i was reading the goddamn slide.

then came the Q & A session.

i KNEW the bloody answer. i goddamn KNEW it!

but my brain refused to let me connect the words into a sentence.

how did i let this happen to me? why the hell i HAD, just HAD to be nervous?!

this nervousness came upon me like a bomb, and now i'm still feeling the aftermath of the explosion.

this goddamn nervousness and still resonating within me.