Twisted Logic

Ever since the first time I could remember being exposed to humans, my way of thinking has ALWAYS been different from the norm. Of course there would be times when these thoughts would coincide but for most of the time, my rationality is almost always questioned.

I admit I do have a twisted mind, but if people would just stop rejecting my seemingly insane idea long enough to hear my reasons behind it, maybe they would see the logic of it. Granted, not many in their right minds would accept my rationality but I’m used to that.

But then again who’s to argue what’s right here? Why is the majority always right? If the majority decides that jumping of cliffs hurling towards their deaths – like lemmings, is right, does that mean the remaining who don’t jump off cliffs are insane? But then again, with the majority dead, the live ones would be the majority, would it not? And that would make the survivors revert to “sane” status.

Ah, the inconveniences of peer pressure. Just because I’m the only one who thinks like I do, I’m the one who’s twisted. In this world of straight thinkers, I’ve tried in recent years to iron out the twisted-ness of my thoughts to try to understand the minds of these people. And I do, to an extent. I somehow automatically see any situation in two or more angles from different perspectives. Note that these perspectives are made from straight minds. When I’m in the picture, the situation twists, I draw incorrect conclusions due to my incorrect predictions. This is not, in any way, to imply that I think creatively or critically; I just think differently, twisted-ly.

A light hearted example is that on the topic of wasting food, people would try to bring the sinners on a guilt trip by saying at each grain of rice is the hard work, sweat, and blood of farmers. I agree to this, but I feel that this example is irrelevant as these same farmers are already paid for their hard work before the harvest reaches our tables. And so, it is in my opinion that these farmers are out of the equation and should not be used to guilt innocent, but bratty idiots that waste their food. It would be better to just starve these brats into non-wastage instead of using guilt.

I understand if the world doesn’t accept my twisted logic. Twisted, yes I know, but logical nonetheless. (If only to me). But just as I do not force you to understand my way of thinking, please don’t force me to accept yours just because you think it is “the right way to think”.

To this sense I really envy Daria Morgendorffer, to be able to live in her own world her own way in that wacky world of jocks and cheerleaders she has to put up with each and every day. I suppose her landing a friend (Jane Lane) who shares the same mindset takes some edge off the isolation she’s otherwise bound to experience without. Sure, they are outcasts of an otherwise shallow society, but they are a PAIR of outcasts that can share their anti-social policies together. How’s THAT for irony, huh?

I suppose that would happen to me in the case I cease my part in my compromise to be straight. A more antisocial outcast than I am now. But the price to be paid for that breach of compromise would be dear, and, as I have slowly grown accustomed to what little social life I have, it would be lonely, I guess. *sigh*

And so, I continue to uncurl my way of thoughts for the benefit of my company at the moment and leave my twisted-ness to those who I know can handle it. If thinking straight brings me too much stress, I simply stop. Stop thinking. Shut down.

I can then unleash my twisted brain in all its glory here at some later date.

Rambles of an Insomniac

I don’t know why I only get the feel to write when I am at the most inconvenient of times. Times such as this, where its 3am in the morning and I should REALLY be sleeping but each time I close my eyes I think of this subject and suffer from insomnia.

That, and also there’s some other stuff in my mind I can’t put down.

Might as well put down and get over with the things I CAN put down, huh?

Recently I feel that I’ve been censoring too much, if at all, things from my posts. Serious censors include not even putting what I think into words and posting it. But should it be this way?

I know that blogs, for some, are supposed to be entertainment for others.

Some write to amuse others.

Some write to update others on their lives.

Some write to directly or indirectly tell others how they feel about them, whether positively or negatively, etc.

Note the keyword: OTHERS

Which bring me back to the purpose I write a blog.

While I do the abovementioned items, I DO NOT write for the sake of others.

I simply do not wish to have to express my thoughts while trying to predict what others are gonna think about it. About me.

But lately, I’ve been doing that. And that led me unable to post some of my thoughts publicly.

Sure, I would like it very much that people read what I write (It’s a writer’s thing). But sometimes what makes it good is the feeling I invest in my words, and when I think of others too much and censor everything, it becomes theirs. Not mine. Theirs. And when that happens, the feel has already been long dead.

I suppose posting your inner thoughts would be a form of vanity, but then again, which human being has none of that? One of the seven sins (PRIDE), it is simply a package that comes together with being a human.

Now up till here my thoughts have been distracted to ramble on to other topics at least trice, but I still need to get this blog thing off my chest.

Let’s just get ONE thing straight first. I write for ME, and no one else. How anyone else wants to interpret my writings are THEIR problem, not mine.

I’m no good with spoken words. Mainly because my mind can’t think as fast as I can speak, but it can at least keep up with the speed I write. Many times I keep quiet in an argument with whomever, it is not because I have seen the opponent’s point of view, but it is because I have run out of words to make whoever see and understand it from mine. So it is times like this that I give up trying to help them understand the situation through my eyes.

So I use this.

I do not write with the intent to let anyone read whatever I come up with. My words come with a flow, and they do not always flow straight with my initial objectives. And I know it is not infrequent for me to complain about things because, I will admit I am a complainer.

A complainer is not fun to have around, is it? While I have to hold myself back when I speak, I should not have to when I write. Because when I speak, people hear my voice no matter they want it or not. When I write, if they don’t like it, it is their choice to stop. If they keep reading, it’s hardly my fault anymore, is it? If I had the guts to force them to read I would have just directly told them what I wanted to instead.

Sure, some might mistake the subject as themselves. But if they do, they would have identified it with themselves, and even if they never did it to me, they would have done it to someone else at some point. Anyone truly innocent of the accusation would not admit, whether consciously or subconsciously, that the subject in question was themselves.

In short, I don’t care what anyone else thinks the function of a blog is. But this blog is MINE. I write it the way I like it. And if anyone doesn’t like what I’ve written, then just. STOP. Okay? Nobody’s forcing ya. This is also why my header has remained the same after all these time while others decorated it with fancy lettering as pictures.

I need the simplicity to drill the words into the minds of readers, be they old or new.

Don’t read this.

But go ahead.

You’ve been warned.

Holidays

There’s less than a week left till the New Year, so this is probably the first, and the last post in December. For starters, the beginning of the month was officially started off with the rushing and completion of a 40% report which I took little over 12 hours to do (yeah, I’m bragging. Allow me this minor entertainment to myself XD)

Then the following week was used to “carefully” plan and to rush another project into completion. In order to do so I was up 8 to 8 everyday, spending the bulk of my time in labs and gloves, haha. And just in time I completed the experimental stage of my final year project and was able to return home few days earlier than expected: a trip that I was allowed to drive from KT up to Kuantan before drowsiness got ahead of me. (Planning to drive ALL the way back next time! This shall be my first objective of the New Year’s ^^)

Then came my BBQ party, which was really, really hectic. I like BBQs. Specifically, I like to sit at the BBQ area and BBQ stuff and not move. But that day I was so busy running around that I didn’t even have time to sit down for more than a few seconds T.T

Here I would like to thank the SS group that made themselves so helpful that day. Thanks a lot! If you guys weren’t there to provide free labor and entertainment I really don’t know how’d turn out. Also not forgetting those who attended XD

Immediately after was the trip to Sunway Lagoon, which was a blast, although we couldn’t find the obstacle course thingy in the Wet Park. Has it been demolished or something? I remember stumbling across it the first time I was there but for the three times after I’ve never managed to find it again. I certainly didn’t dream it, if that’s what anyone was wondering. == I have other supporters!! >.<

And then I drove my parents to LCCT (another great plus in this holiday ^^) and am due to fetch them back soon (YAY! More driving!).

Right now? I’m working on some stuff that may or may not be released to public, depending on the quality of the end product. And also, for the first time in… forever, am looking forward eagerly for those people in HEPA to FINALLY release my sem 5 results.

Shocking, no? I was never one to anticipate results of any kind. (Spoiler: more bragging) for one, when I was weak at a subject I’d suck at it, and I never gave my results a second glance other than to come to terms that I failed the goddamn paper. On the other hand, when I was good at a subject, I was GREAT, and therefore, knowing I was SO great, I did not have to wait for my results to know that I was gonna score the paper cause I was awesome like that ^^

Ah. I think I’m already bragging too much. Forgive me. Vanity can be so entertaining at times. Anyhow I’m waiting for my results basically cause I have NO idea what I’d get. Now I understand the feelings of my classmates back in school. I never did understand why they’d bug the teacher to grade their papers faster. And teachers would never get why I was so uninterested in my scores. Probably because I told them before to mark the papers slowly and don’t strain themselves for the sake of releasing the marks earlier. Haha.

Looking back. I think I was too laid back.

I still am. Just abit less, I guess.

Laid back is good. It’s relaxing. Peaceful. AND it doesn’t cause stress ^^

Peace good. Stress bad. XD