Rambles of an Insomniac

I don’t know why I only get the feel to write when I am at the most inconvenient of times. Times such as this, where its 3am in the morning and I should REALLY be sleeping but each time I close my eyes I think of this subject and suffer from insomnia.

That, and also there’s some other stuff in my mind I can’t put down.

Might as well put down and get over with the things I CAN put down, huh?

Recently I feel that I’ve been censoring too much, if at all, things from my posts. Serious censors include not even putting what I think into words and posting it. But should it be this way?

I know that blogs, for some, are supposed to be entertainment for others.

Some write to amuse others.

Some write to update others on their lives.

Some write to directly or indirectly tell others how they feel about them, whether positively or negatively, etc.

Note the keyword: OTHERS

Which bring me back to the purpose I write a blog.

While I do the abovementioned items, I DO NOT write for the sake of others.

I simply do not wish to have to express my thoughts while trying to predict what others are gonna think about it. About me.

But lately, I’ve been doing that. And that led me unable to post some of my thoughts publicly.

Sure, I would like it very much that people read what I write (It’s a writer’s thing). But sometimes what makes it good is the feeling I invest in my words, and when I think of others too much and censor everything, it becomes theirs. Not mine. Theirs. And when that happens, the feel has already been long dead.

I suppose posting your inner thoughts would be a form of vanity, but then again, which human being has none of that? One of the seven sins (PRIDE), it is simply a package that comes together with being a human.

Now up till here my thoughts have been distracted to ramble on to other topics at least trice, but I still need to get this blog thing off my chest.

Let’s just get ONE thing straight first. I write for ME, and no one else. How anyone else wants to interpret my writings are THEIR problem, not mine.

I’m no good with spoken words. Mainly because my mind can’t think as fast as I can speak, but it can at least keep up with the speed I write. Many times I keep quiet in an argument with whomever, it is not because I have seen the opponent’s point of view, but it is because I have run out of words to make whoever see and understand it from mine. So it is times like this that I give up trying to help them understand the situation through my eyes.

So I use this.

I do not write with the intent to let anyone read whatever I come up with. My words come with a flow, and they do not always flow straight with my initial objectives. And I know it is not infrequent for me to complain about things because, I will admit I am a complainer.

A complainer is not fun to have around, is it? While I have to hold myself back when I speak, I should not have to when I write. Because when I speak, people hear my voice no matter they want it or not. When I write, if they don’t like it, it is their choice to stop. If they keep reading, it’s hardly my fault anymore, is it? If I had the guts to force them to read I would have just directly told them what I wanted to instead.

Sure, some might mistake the subject as themselves. But if they do, they would have identified it with themselves, and even if they never did it to me, they would have done it to someone else at some point. Anyone truly innocent of the accusation would not admit, whether consciously or subconsciously, that the subject in question was themselves.

In short, I don’t care what anyone else thinks the function of a blog is. But this blog is MINE. I write it the way I like it. And if anyone doesn’t like what I’ve written, then just. STOP. Okay? Nobody’s forcing ya. This is also why my header has remained the same after all these time while others decorated it with fancy lettering as pictures.

I need the simplicity to drill the words into the minds of readers, be they old or new.

Don’t read this.

But go ahead.

You’ve been warned.