Hypocrite

I am, in many ways, a hypocrite. 

I’ll complain and preach to people about bad habits or behavior humans have that tick me off, then somewhere along the road I’ll do commit those sins myself.

I know. I expect every other human being out there besides myself to be perfect.

I know it’s unfair. I know sometimes their behavior tick me off at the worst timings. I know at times they themselves can’t help it. I know if I were in their shoes I’d be like that as well, and helpless about it too.

But I get ticked off anyway.

That’s how hypocritical I am.

So at times like this I hate myself for being human. For being unable to be fair. For being a hypocrite.

Mostly for being a hypocrite.

Crap. I know I’m in the wrong. But don’t go about yelling as if you’ve always been right. And just as I found a way to turn my mood around completely, and feel like sharing that joy with you, you come back and spout another load of crap at me.

I KNOW.

But you’re supposed to already forget about it and f*cking move on.

YOU were the one who told me to move on. Why can’t you?

And you. Just because you’ve got crap loaded all over you, don’t go around scooping it up and loading it at someone else.

And me. I hate myself for not being able to control my moods better. I hate my negative moods for being do friggin dominant. I hate the positive ones for being so positively god damned HARD to drag out.

I get too easily distracted.

I hate it.

Tying up things are a way to be control those things. That’s why I hate ties that I did not get a chance to consent to. It’s good if I eventually learn to tolerate those ties but I never got to it. Maybe, someday, in the future? Not likely, at this rate.

I do not accept any bindings besides the ones I’ve personally placed on myself.

And you. The one who left all physical bindings. Free from all who controls you.

Was that why you left?

Have you obtained the ultimate freedom?

I wish to be like you someday, even if the freedom I’ve imagined was just an illusion.