One of my friends was remarking to me that he wouldn't , in any way in the world spend an extra unnecessary second in campus, preferring rather to return home and do god knows what. This got me thinking about how I enjoyed doing exactly the opposite.
Sure, your own room might be great, but when you have a roommate that you do not wish to disturb or just want to do something you don’t want anyone else around to bear witness to; or that the said room is terribly, terribly small; this could pose a problem.
For me, it’s limiting my privacy. My space. My freedom.
Freedom, to me, is like air.
Staying at campus is not all that bad, considering you get to do everything you can in your own room. Plus the electricity is FREE to boot, and especially if you find a large area with an air conditioner.
Now, tell me how does the above scenario appear in any way inferior as opposed to your own room?
It’s public, yes. But you can always walk away to find some place that are less occupied by humans. Or, if there WERE humans, they are most likely to be strangers so there are no worries (on my part) about disturbing them. I mean, it’s public! Everyone has a right to this place, so as long as you do not go around making any other person feel like killing you, you’re good to go. Loud music? Use your goddamn earphones.
Come to think of it, school would be a better place for me to call home. Sure, home gives you comfort, but true privacy and freedom you can ironically only find on public grounds. Ever since primary school, I spent most of my waking hours at school. I’d wake up at 5am and stay at school, then return home at 7pm for dinner, a bath, and sleep. Same goes to secondary school where I’d go early around 6am and stay back until 6pm, regardless of the session I was in.
Hm. No wonder I’m not attached to home. I was never in it long enough. Haha.
However this changed drastically when I went to pre-U education. I couldn't bear the thought of staying in that place. I’d go late and do all in my power to escape early. I’d fake illness just to avoid going there (something I have never, ever done before this). I suppose its not fair to the school or its students, cause I never really did give the school, or myself a chance to accept the reality that I thought was hell for that 1.5 years. But it didn't help that the teachers were limiting my freedom so much that I was suffocating.
Quite literarily from the moment I stepped onto school grounds, I would have difficulty breathing. The atmosphere there to me was so heavy and dense that I really felt my soul leaving me every time I entered the place. Only hours after I left that compound, safely in my room, that I would feel my soul reluctantly returning, and I could breathe normally again.
It was only during these times that I felt home was truly home.
I never had this problem anywhere else. Including here. Going to these places were like a wave of fresh air, a limitless space where my wings can spread.
Maybe the true problem was space. My primary and secondary school had a big compound, and a field that I was , and still am, greatly proud of. It’s not to say that I was the kind of person to go running ON the fields, but I liked to see that space before me.
That place however, was small. The field belonged to the neighboring school and I could only look at it behind bars. On top of that I was confined by the rigid laws and teachers of the school. My wings were clipped. It hurt.
And now that they have finally healed, I am never letting anyone else destroy them again.
If and when I see fit, I will give them away myself.
But until then, they will remain mine.
