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I’m not in control of my brain anymore. It’s like this statement I heard from somewhere:

A brain is an organ that we think we think.

Explanation: We are under the impression that we think using our brain, but we don’t. Realise the fact that the brain of the common mortal thinks for is owner.

If this is too confusing, ask me for an example personally to help you see the clearer picture.

Anyway. Back to the brain. I think my brain has a completely different personality from me. Ah I dunno la. But the main point is I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I don’t know why I’m chasing anymore.

It’s like running a race, where the person ahead of you is always there. Ahead of you.

It’s trilling at first, having a goal. But when the goal runs faster than you, runs faster than you, it gets tiring. There’s no pit stop, no time where you are able to catch up and catch a breath. Because you just don’t catch up. You just can’t.

All you can do is to continue running, continue chasing, and watch your goal go further and further away, like the gradually lengthening distance between the water surface and a drowning person. No matter how hard the drowning person swims, the surface will never seem to get nearer.

Soon the person will be devoid of air. Sooner still, if he continues the struggle. Then the lack of air forces the person to give up, against his will, even if he wanted to go on.

The difference of strength between them just too big.

To surrender is just so easy.

It won’t tire you, drain you of all your strength and spirit.

But I still want to forget the existence of this choice: giving up.

Then maybe I can still find the extra strength I need to carry on.

When Music just SPEAKS to you

i normally listen to a set playlist. on normal days, they just pass by as normal tunes, however on certain other days one of the songs would just pop up and hit me, telling me things, as if they were trying to speak to me.

i suppose on those certain days i must have been in a certain sate of mind; or a certain mood, to have to be able to receive these subtle messages within the songs, to feel whatever feelings the singer/composer must have wanted to convey.

i say this because songs that spoke to me rarely, if ever, speak to me again. and certain songs that i find ordinary would spark my interest so much after such conversation that i would later favourite it.

just recently the chorus of this song grabbed me and hasn't let me go since:

ABBA - Whats the name of the game

I've seen you twice, in a short time
Only a week since we started
It seems to me, for every time
I'm getting more open-hearted

I was an impossible case
No-one ever could reach me
But I think I can see in your face
There's a lot you can teach me
So I wanna know

What's the name of the game
Does it mean anything to you
What's the name of the game
Can you feel it the way I do
Tell me please, 'cause I have to know
I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

And you make me talk
And you make me feel
And you make me show
What I'm trying to conceal
If I trust in you, would you let me down
Would you laugh at me
If I said I care for you
Could you feel the same way too
I wanna know

The name of the game

I have no friends, no-one to see
And I am never invited
Now I am here, talking to you
No wonder I get excited

Your smile, and the sound of your voice
And the way you see through me
Got a feeling, you give me no choice
But it means a lot to me
So I wanna know

What's the name of the game
(Your smile and the sound of your voice)
Does it mean anything to you
(Got a feeling you give me no choice)
But it means a lot, what's the name of the game
(Your smile and the sound of your voice)
Can you feel it the way I do
Tell me please, 'cause I have to know
I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

And you make me talk
And you make me feel
And you make me show
What I'm trying to conceal
If I trust in you, would you let me down
Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you
Could you feel the same way too
I wanna know
Oh yes I wanna know

The name of the game
(I was an impossible case)
Does it mean anything to you
(But I think I can see in your face)
That it means a lot
What's the name of the game
(Your smile and the sound of your voice)
Can you feel it the way I do
(Got a feeling you give me no choice)
But it means a lot, what's the name of the game
(I was an impossible case)
Does it mean anything to you
(But I think I can see in your face)
That it means a lot

not expecting others to be able to hear what i heard cuz the song will speak differently to different people at different times. it's really a personally subjective thing. ^^

and to think i used to think that listening to music was a distraction and a waste of time.

ah the ignorance of youth.

Recently

I am busy with several things. Highlight of the month would be my new pet culture Artemia sp. ^^ or in layman's terms the "SEA MONKEY". This variant is smaller than the commercial type cuz its supposed to be mini-sized, for fish larvae to eat. commercial types are bred to be bigger and more visible for ease for the owner's view.

ah my artemia is so cute...

On a more depressing note, test season is here. i have tests lined up everyday for the next week (3 days later) and i have not touched the lecture notes yet. ==ll

anyway, on a separate and happier note, i was in the mood to type stuff today so Part 1 of my new long-short story is done.

somehow i seem to be unable to construct short short stories. i end up being long winded and what i expected to be a three-four paragraph intro becomes a full length paged description.

haih.

anyway still figuring out how to use my fictionpress account so as soon as it is up i'll announce to the world.

haha.