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I’m not in control of my brain anymore. It’s like this statement I heard from somewhere:

A brain is an organ that we think we think.

Explanation: We are under the impression that we think using our brain, but we don’t. Realise the fact that the brain of the common mortal thinks for is owner.

If this is too confusing, ask me for an example personally to help you see the clearer picture.

Anyway. Back to the brain. I think my brain has a completely different personality from me. Ah I dunno la. But the main point is I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I don’t know why I’m chasing anymore.

It’s like running a race, where the person ahead of you is always there. Ahead of you.

It’s trilling at first, having a goal. But when the goal runs faster than you, runs faster than you, it gets tiring. There’s no pit stop, no time where you are able to catch up and catch a breath. Because you just don’t catch up. You just can’t.

All you can do is to continue running, continue chasing, and watch your goal go further and further away, like the gradually lengthening distance between the water surface and a drowning person. No matter how hard the drowning person swims, the surface will never seem to get nearer.

Soon the person will be devoid of air. Sooner still, if he continues the struggle. Then the lack of air forces the person to give up, against his will, even if he wanted to go on.

The difference of strength between them just too big.

To surrender is just so easy.

It won’t tire you, drain you of all your strength and spirit.

But I still want to forget the existence of this choice: giving up.

Then maybe I can still find the extra strength I need to carry on.