The limit you strive to surpass

I believe that when one tries to surpass one's limit, they do so under the shadow of two role models they created in their lives.

One, it's the perfect version of themselves, who has achieved all their dreams and aspirations, who has everything they ever wanted, who has no other wants because they already have it all.

The second role model is that one person, or persons in their lives who resembles closest to that prefect self they have projected in their imagination.

I myself am chasing these two models. Doing my level best to stand on par with them. But as it is now,  it feels like they are walking further and further from me while I'm chained to the spot unable to move.

I strain myself trying to move. I push myself to surpass these limits I have. It's not enough.

They are moving further away even now. Soon I won't even be able to see their shadows in the distance.

Will I fall and lose everything before reality hits me and tells me it all doesn't matter in the end?

If so, why am I trying so hard?

The imagine of the perfect me blurs at times, and changes from the perfect human being, to just this person with the courage to end it all.

Forever.

Lost

What am I doing with my life?

No. Seriously.  What the heck AM I doing?

Are my priorities straight?

Because honestly,  I don't know anymore.

I feel like every decision I make is wrong.

But I can't know which is the right decision when I have no direction.

What's worse, I have lost the light that had illuminated what little I can see in this dark path I'm struggling on.

The will to live

When someone loses the will to live, is he depressed? Or is he just too lazy to carry on with life?

The law of human nature is denial. Like the real insane people will never admit they are crazy or that those who are drunk will not acknowledge they are drunk, the people who are really depressed will think that they are too lazy to carry on and deny that they are depressed. Same goes to the lazy ones who will use depression as an excuse to not live life.

But why do we carry on with life? I find it pointless.

I have lost the will to do so. I find it totally pointless to continue life as it is.

Why do I carry on with life?

I guess I’m a coward.

I do not dare to end my life.

Now I see the appeal of dying by drug overdose.

I should try that sometime.