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I am a trainer.

There was a time when I would shy away from that and say I'm still learning. But be it confidence or arrogance or both, I hope I do my master well when I proclaim myself a trainer.

Because whatever I do, reflects on the mentor whom I owe so much to.

It is with this disclaimer that I say, that for a trainer, it is most satisfying and rewarding when you successfully shape a behaviour,  and even more so when it is done using a methodology that you came up with on your own.

Unfortunately at this time, I am not in the frame of mind to dwell on the positive side of things.

At this point in time, I find that as a trainer, the most discouraging, demotivating thing that could happen is not being able to shape a behaviour. Not because your method was wrong, no.

But because you weren't able to follow through with the method that you came up with.

It is with that, that the frustration of eternally wondering what could have been, eats me out inside, and it is a pent up feeling not unlike trying to suppress an animal from breaking out of its cage.

The sucess rate of what I'm doing, if I may so dare to announce, has a basic, simple and logical core.

Need.

If you are on the side where you need something so desperately, and you let that desperation be shown, then, my poor friend, you are on the side that will be controlled.

If there is one thing I've learned, is to NEVER, in any situation, let your desperation be known.

This does not just apply to what I do, it is a way of life.

But yet again I have gone off the topic of my original rant.

The source of my demotivation and frustration.

My inability to carry through with my training methodology.

Twice this has happened to me, but by different people of different status. The first was not as frustrating in comparison but it was demotivating just the same.

That person was brought in after me to learn from me. And dutifully I had taught that person all the basics.

Then this creature had to get so ahead of itself and disregard everything I had to say after. Okay. Fine.

I was training a new behaviour at the time, and had accidentally captured another behaviour.  So I put that captured behaviour on KIV, opting to perfect the behaviour that was ACTUALLY in training at the time.

And of course, this person knew about this captured behaviour as well, and decided to shape that behaviour behind my back.

Problem was, I found out about it. Well, this was my animal and the reason why this captured behaviour was put on hold is that it will affect this other behavior that I'm trying to shape.

I confronted this person and explained what was happening and what was going to be the consequences if it were to continue. The obligatory nodding of heads ensued but my words were totally disregarded.

And so I failed to shape that behaviour. Which frustrated me to no end, but as I had to work my future methodology around this interference I took it as a challenge to my career and salvaged what was left of my motivation.

That example was easy to deal with because that person was an underling of sorts and whatever interference there was it was done following the basics of training somewhat.

This next instance has been happening ever since I could remember, but I only got frustrated recently because I had not known better.

It is when you are unable to complete your methodology because you are not allowed to. Because a higher-up decided that your methodology was wrong.

It is when you are not given complete freedom to shape that behaviour.

It is when you are forced to stop shaping halfway and making everything worse. Like how you stop an antibiotic before the end of course and the bacteria grows stronger and harder to kill.

It is when they insist on implementing something else that will totally destroy what you have strived so hard to achieve.

It is when they do all this with no knowledge or understanding that they are making things worse and they refuse to hear and understand you when you try so fucking hard to explain to them.

It is when they create a monster and lament on how terrible it is and how they can't give up on the thing they have created and proceed to make things worse with their ignorance.

It is when you try to step in and make things right, try to prevent future misery that seemingly only you can forsee happening to them. Only to face rejection and denial.

It is when you're trying to fucking give up but they keep asking you to try. To continue using their method.

To fucking make everything worse by doing the wrong thing.

It is when everything fails because of their ignorance and they ask you why it is a failure.

Asking you to fucking help and then slamming the fucking door in your face.

A behaviour cannot have more than one shaper. If there exists a need to have multiple shapers, the multiples must absolutely be carbon copies of the other.

I trying to give up on trying, so please don't ask me to fucking give a damn anymore.