Holding. Finding. Letting go. Grabbing. Owning. Pretending.

Sometimes, when people tell you to let go, reality is, you KNOW you have to let go.

You KNOW that holding on is stupid.

That holding on so desperately so something that will not give you the time of day is utterly ridiculous. 

That holding on to that which you feel so dear to you will not bring you any results. At least, any results that you dream would happen if you held on for long enough.

You KNOW. You really do.

But you can’t let go.

To crap with whoever said “If you really want something, let it go. If it belongs to you, it will always come back. If it doesn’t come back to you, then it never belonged to you in the first place”

Because you know if you ever let go, you know it will never come back. And you can never fool yourself into pretending that it still belongs to you. Not ever again.

Like a kid and his favorite toy, the only way to ask the kid to let go of the toy is for the kid to realize he wants a better toy. Only then he will let go of the previous toy in an effort to own the new, better toy.

This has always been the condition for me to let go of anything.

I need to be obsessed with something better.

Driving

Once upon a time there was a period where I would say that my ideal job was to be some rich guy’s driver. Know I know that I thought wrong. Haha. Why? Cause since then I’ve realized the real reason why I love driving so much. It’s not so much the act of driving itself, but what driving means to me. And this is why I do not enjoy driving in traffic jams, and why I (and most people, i assume) love driving on empty roads.

So I actually came to this realization after having to drive daily to and fro for work. See, in the early mornings when traffic is scarce, driving that 20 minutes to the LRT is so peaceful and enjoyable, it has become like a daily therapy session for me.

Driving, to me, represents the two things in life I value the most: Freedom and Pride. To give up these two things would be harder than selling off my soul to the devil, which, may I add, I almost did before some deity up there must have done some last minute systems check and realized that more people (me) are selling their souls to their competitor and hurriedly threw some chances down at these people in hopes of pulling them back from the edge.

I was SO close to falling in the pit, too. It might be abit later than I would have liked, but that chance was what I had been waiting for all this while. Better late than never, right? Heh. But I’m really pleased with the way things are going now. I’ve got a bit of routine set in to keep me from straying too far, and also just enough randomness to avoid myself from getting too bored (I have long suspected that I have a *cough*mild*cough* case of ADHD). Anyway, life is giving me stuff to do, things to learn, and others to… well, do something about.

Plus I get a daily dose of therapeutic driving session thrown in.

Yep. I like my life now.

Tech Toys

Okay so recently I’ve succumbed to an addiction to touch screen high tech toys. To be specific:

Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

I know, I know, there are newer versions and this is going to be obsolete fast. But I prefer my touch screens to be big and this is one of the thinnest and lightest tablet computers on the market(compared also to iPad 2 – and I still don’t feel like using Apple stuff).

The other is this:

Asus Zenbook – or something like this 

The Zenbook is at LEAST (at lowest specs) 1k+++ more expensive than the tablet. That aside, I’m still thinking if I’ll get used to using a tablet all the time instead of a laptop.

The tablet is: highly mobile, no need to flip open, and has touch screen.

BUT. It’s processor will make it slower than the laptop and I like my tech toys fast. It also comes with low in-built memory storage (I know I can store stuff online but I’d like to access my stuff when the internet is not available – and I don’t plan to get a data plan – yet).

The laptop has: a bigger screen, and bigger (more sufficient) memory space in built, and whoooo~ I’ll SURE to get the model with a decently speedy processor.

BUT. It’s not as convenient. No touch screen. And did I mention 1k+++ more moolah needs to be spent on this brat?

It’s unfair since I’m comparing two totally different genre of things although they are used in more or less the same way.

I suppose I’ll have to consider which will suit my lifestyle more.

Oh well. It’s not like I can afford it now anyway. So I’ll probably wait until more advanced technology to appear so that the price will be reduced.

God knows THAT happens so very often.